I have never “re-blogged” before, so I cannot say if I’m
even doing this correctly. A friend I knew from a previous church has given me
permission to share her words, so I will....
I have never “re-blogged” before, so I cannot say if I’m
even doing this correctly. A friend I knew from a previous church has given me
permission to share her words, so I will. I have taken one subtle step to make
things anonymous. I’m not using her name, for example. Having said that, I
found her words too powerful to ignore.
As a Christian, I am passionate about witnessing. “Tell
me what the Lord is doing in your life” is, for me, the heart and soul of any
sermon. Too often, church members are unwilling to hear the witness of anyone
they find to be “too different” as if xenophobia has replaced agape within many
Christian fellowships. Well, I’m listening to someone whose experiences are
totally different from my own. I hope you will, too.
-IC_Greg
Sooo, I am
just going to say this. It is long, I warn you.
Firstly, I
want to thank and honor all who have given their blood, sweat, tears, and for
some, their lives for this. We would not be here if not for you. Deeply, I
thank you.
Yet, I
realize that there are some out there who are very upset, disturbed, and
saddened over the recent ruling from SCOTUS. I want to say, I get it, I really
do. I was with you once upon a time. I felt that my religious convictions lead
me to an understanding that marriage as we know it today was only by God's
design to be between a man and a woman. I felt that it was totally unnatural
and completely morally wrong to do anything otherwise. I admit, and those of
you who have known me my whole life know that I was quite a zealot back in the
day. I was pretty hardline. And so, for people to say to me now that I am not
seeing "their" side, is completely false. I WAS on your 'side'. I
argued it, heavily. Then I got to a point where I could 'understand' where it
would be more comfortable to be with the same sex, but I still did not agree at
all that it was in God's design, my religion taught me that.
But, as you
go through life, you grow and you learn, and sometimes you have people in your
life who gently point out some things you may not have thought of before.
I had no
idea what I was really saying back then. I had no clue what it all really
meant. I knew people who were gay, and they were a bit of a novelty to me
growing up in the small town that I did, I loved them, but I didn't agree.
And then,
one day, a dear friend’s mother and I had a very, very long talk about the
whole issue. She pointed out things I had never even considered. She pretty
much gave me a taste of my own bible beating medicine, but in a totally and
completely loving way, something I hadn't particularly learned quite yet called
tact.
From then on
I really started questioning and researching and asking people and talking with
people. Not just accepting what I was being told, but really digging into my
own life and the lives of those around me, and searching my own soul. I still
wasn't sure about the whole thing, but I started seeing people as people. And
love as well, love, and just because I didn't care for it in particular, that
didn't mean they were scary or bad people, and did I really have a right to say
whether or not they can love who they love?
Somewhere in
this time I had written out a list, and sent it out to the universe, to God, to
bring into my life a person with certain attributes. The things that were
really important to me. I did this as part of a book I had been reading about
being a single christian. Irony....
Then I met K.
This was out
of left field for me. I had no idea that I even could like another woman, let
alone fall in love with one. Before I even knew it, my friends and family
members had their eyebrows raised in wonder. And one day, I realized that I had
completely fallen in love with a woman.
Some say
that God does not condone this sort of 'behavior'. I was one of those people.
Well, let me tell you how I see it now. Not only do I believe that God
perfectly created this woman for me, I believe that God placed her directly in
my path. Period. And, do you know that she just so happened to embody that
entire laundry list of what a suitable, Godly mate would look like that I made
so long before. Every. Last. Word. My best friend pointed this out to me. I
never even asked God for a gender. I was looking for the important
things....same beliefs, same interests, likes me for me etc.
And, now,
before I start hearing, oh but you're being deceived by the devil (yeah, we
struggled through that one together, being that we both come from very
religious backgrounds.) Let me tell you this. I have grown more as a person,
and most importantly, more in my faith and spirituality and have drawn closer
to God in the time that I have known K., than I ever had in my life previously.
Why on earth would a 'devil' want to put me directly in the path of someone who
would challenge me to pray more, be closer to God, to dig deeper into the
bible, to learn more about my own self and spirituality? That seems quite
counterproductive to me.
And one of
the biggest things I have learned is that love and commitment are so not what I
thought. It is so much deeper, amazing, and sometimes downright freaking harder
than I ever imagined. And I know that people are saying, well, why use the word
'marriage'? Why take a christian sanctioned word and change it. Well, I
challenge you to look deep into the history of that word. I challenge you to
look at what the idea of it means throughout the world. Because, I sure was
surprised.
It has
evolved over time, influenced by culture, religion, and force of power. It has
been used and abused in many ways. But when we get down to brass tacks, I think
we all know that what this particular word means today, here, now is about
basic rights of two people who love each other and want to be afforded the same
things their male/female counterparts are afforded. Good and bad.
It isn't the
final step. We have so much farther to go. I would like to see a time when I
don't have to be nervous about who knows what in a job situation, for fear of
being fired. I already know what it feels like to have people be in that
awkward uncomfortableness at work when I overhear very demeaning things said
about people 'like me'. I know how it feels to have people pity me because I
was such a nice girl. (I hope that hasn't changed?!) I already know what it
feels like to wonder if we are going to make it out of a restaurant in a rural
town in a different state without being harmed. I have lost friends, I have
lost respect. I have strained relations with some because I am not equal in
their eyes. But I am lucky. There are many, throughout time and to this very
day who have been beaten, killed, discriminated against, and some have even
taken their lives just because they happen to be attracted to the same sex. So
yeah, I am pretty damn lucky that I have only endured a fraction of what others
have. And so I will keep moving forward until we can all be so lucky.
So, if you
don't want to be friends with me, fine. If you still think I/we are trying to
push some sort of political agenda, fine. I am not here to change your mind, we
are all on our own journey. I had to come here on my own, with the help of some
loving friends, and the help of an ever loving Creator God, who nudges me every
damn day to act in love. I am only here to share my view on this whole thing,
from where I stand. Because, quite frankly, I am tired of seeing the hatred. I
am tired of seeing the subtle, subversive ways that people are covering their
distaste. And I am tired of the words I am hearing that I used to say to
people, just like me, once upon a time.
There aren't
“sides” folks. We are all human beings. We are all in this thing called life
together on this planet we call earth. And I for one, am for love. I was
created in love. And I want to be a beacon of love. For it is the most powerful
thing on earth.
-J.