Flex or Stress

 

FLEX  OR  STRESS!

 

Welcome! to the different skill notebook! We are continuing with our series on executive function skills focusing on cognitive flexibility. This is such an important skill during this time of continual change. Change can bring on stress, especially when we are not leading the changes. That being said, adaptability is essential right now in order for us to be fruitful during these unpredictable times. Today I want to discuss how inflexibility leads to higher levels of stress, mental and physical. The different skill notebook is an equipping tool for the whole family. Smarter living and parenting leads to healthier, happier, and thriving family environments and interactions. In previous articles, we have discussed increasing the flexibility of our children. This article is geared more so towards your role as the parent and your ability to flex.

We have been discussing for the last month the skill cognitive flexibility. Thinking flexibly requires:

• mental ability to move from one situation to another and adapting to respond appropriately to the situation

• mental ability to switch between thinking about two different concepts, and think about multiple concepts simultaneously

• mental ability to shift attention to another task

Flexibility requires moving, shifting, switching! How easy it for you?

It’s easy for me because I have had allot of practice in my personal and professional life. With having to adjust to circumstances out of my control. I realized that the more rigid or stuck I was on a certain perspective or expectation, the more stressful it was. Not just for me, but for all those in my inner circle.

When we are set on an expectation and things to do not turn out as expected, this can cause a great amount of stress and disappointment and can lead to an angry reaction. We are living in a time where constant change is the greater probability, and we are all required to adjust our plans. Remaining open to the possibility of adjustment to change may take the pressure off.

 

1. Edit expectations

The reason why you’re always stressed is because you expect this moment to be something that it’s not. You just stop and you accept this moment for what it is. Just breathe right now into that moment and it takes the anxiety and the pressure away of wanting this moment to be something that it is not. Just this moment, one moment at a time. It is a process. It is not just one thing.

You don’t wake up one morning and you suddenly have it all together.

Oprah Winfrey

What I love the most about his quote is “one moment at a time”. In my daily conversations with parents , they often get caught up discussing their child’s future and can often overlook important steps in the present. We can easily get ahead of ourselves and consume our thoughts with the future when we are in the present. Our stress and unnecessary expectations trickle down to our children. We pass on our stress to them. In showing our kids our ability to be flexible we are emulating for them a healthy model of expectations.

Due to both of my kids' learning differences I intentionally stayed in the present- meaning I stayed focus.

Consider can I edit expectation by adjusting :

• profile: adjust to match your child’s learning style
• pace: can we go a bit slower
• postpone or change timing: maybe a later date
• partition: break up project in small pieces
• process alternative: can be done differently

2. Unplug From Technology, (phone, tv, radio and podcasts) and expectations of peers. Do real life, things that you can touch, feel and experience. Unplug from opinions.

We are way too connected to technology and what we hear and see we have absorb. This information impacts our emotions and perspectives. We need to be mindful of what we are watching and hearing. Unplugging means shifting gears to another thought process. Also, reminding myself that other parents opinions on how parenting should be done are just that opinions. Every child is different and so is every family. You must find the tools and strategies that work for your family. These are some practical ideas that I have been intentionally working on.

• Leaving my phone in the bedroom during different times of the day and not checking it for up to an hour.

• Sitting outside in the yard for 30minutes just getting some fresh air

• Short brisk walk or walking my dog

• Cooking together my kids

• Coffee break (just sip my coffee)

• Sitting still and in silence for 10 to 15 minutes

• Art or doodling

• Gardening

• Journaling dumping your thoughts on paper

3. Play

Not everyone plays the same way. But just know what important benefits plays does for our bodies, minds, and hearts.

• Laughter releases endorphins which are scientifically proven to relieve stress.

• Bonds people

• Helps us learn about one another-their likes and dislikes

• Could be as simple as telling jokes

• Listening to music/dancing 

• Arts and crafts...often we can relive our childlike joys doing something artsy with our kids

• Gardening

• Scavenger hunts inside or outside...

• Family hide and seek

• Dance party - play some music and dance

There are no limits really to the fun one can have when they give themselves permission to play, relax, unwind, and allow joy to fill us. This helps tremendously to separate from the mental clutter in our minds. It also helps us to sleep better. Making us better fortify and recharged to face the next day, being flexible.