Episode 52: Narcissists and Infidelity

2025-05-16

When a narcissist cheats, the affair often has little to do with love or connection. It’s about power. In this episode, I sit down with psychotherapist Lauren LaRusso, LPC, LMHC, to unpack why narcissists have affairs and how their motivations are different from what most people expect. Why do they always seem to have someone waiting in the wings? Why is there so little remorse when they’re caught? And why does the person who’s been betrayed so often end up feeling like the one to blame? Lauren and I talk about how narcissists use affairs...

When a narcissist cheats, the affair often has little to do with love or connection. It’s about power.

In this episode, I sit down with psychotherapist Lauren LaRusso, LPC, LMHC, to unpack why narcissists have affairs and how their motivations are different from what most people expect. Why do they always seem to have someone waiting in the wings? Why is there so little remorse when they’re caught? And why does the person who’s been betrayed so often end up feeling like the one to blame?

Lauren and I talk about how narcissists use affairs to stay in control and protect their image. These betrayals aren’t usually about emotional disconnection. They’re about manipulation, dominance, and supply. We also get into what it’s like for the person on the receiving end: the self-doubt, the confusion, the isolation. And we talk honestly about why leaving is so complicated. Sometimes there are kids involved. Sometimes it’s about safety. Sometimes it’s about survival.

If you’ve been through this, or you’re still in it, I hope this conversation brings you clarity. You’re not imagining it. You’re not overreacting. And most importantly, you’re not alone.

Episode Breakdown:

00:00 Why Narcissists Cheat

03:25 What Counts as an Affair

04:52 Gender Differences in Infidelity

12:06 Can an Affair Stabilize a Marriage?

16:47 Why People Don’t Just Leave

23:24 Affairs in Narcissistic Relationships

27:38 The “Perfect” Narcissist and Secret Lives

30:10 Lack of Accountability

33:07 How Narcissistic Abuse Shows Up in Therapy

38:01 The Danger of Blaming the Betrayed Partner

40:07 Affairs as a Survival Strategy