The Long Kiss Goodnight is obnoxious, loud, and dumb. In other words, most action movies of the 80s and 90s. It's also hopelessly convoluted and botches its central premise—that of an amnesic suburban housewife who has forgotten that she used to be an assassin.
Starring Geena Davis—in her second collaboration with former husband Renny Harlin—as Samantha Caine (the innocent)/Charly Baltimore (the no-so-innocent), The Long Kiss Goodnight just isn't equal to the sum of its parts. The supporting cast is great—boasting Samuel L. Jackson, Brian Cox, Craig Bierko, and David Morse, amongst others—and it was written by Shane Black, the literal master of this conceit (i.e. the mismatched action duo).
Even with those elements, it just never comes together. Sure, there are scenes that work, but not enough of them; and for an action film, its set pieces generally fall flat or down a drain at Niagara Falls, only to reappear unscathed.
Critics didn't agree with our pod's assessment. The film sits at 70% on Rotten Tomatoes. Audiences, though, were skeptical. It grossed just $89.5 million on a budget of $65. But, its failures set a nice template for future films and proved—however unnecessary it was to prove—that women can also kick ass.
So, sit back, set your sights on a Head Hunter IPA from Fat Head's Brewery, and deal with the fact that life is pain! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Capt. Cash, Chumpzilla, and Mayor McCheese are blowing shit up with Charly Baltimore and trying to remember exactly why we're doing it!
This Week’s Segments:
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You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl and Amazon Music!
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The Lone Ranger – Wendigo Hammer
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Club Dread – Naughty Cal
They Live – All Out of Bubblegum
Event Horizon – Brain Dead Space
Tin Cup – Bland Trap
Ed – Monkey Trouble
Side Out – Sponsored by MetLife
The Program – Place at the Table
Last Man Standing – No, Not the Tim Allen Show
Hudson Hawk – Scat Burglar
Cop Out – Bruce is Too Old for This S**t
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A Good Day to Die Hard – Davai Hard
F9: The Fast Saga – Space Cars
Legend – Glitter and Bubbles
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Conan the Barbarian – What's Worst in Life?
The Void – Right Next Door to Hell
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