Les, Kurt, and Jason are about to take on the Horniest Hallmark Movie ever (by Hallmark standards), but first we find out that Kurt has finally watched the Fyre Festival documentary on Netflix... and a video of Blac Chyna twerking on OnlyFans. This leads Jason to the realization that pole dancing is way easier in outer space (no gravity!). All this talk of porn sites and pole dancing makes the guys realize it's time to talk about a Hallmark movie, 2016's Wedding Bells starring Danica McKellar. Luckily, Kurt thinks he's ok with Danica now after not wanting to give Danica her due on an earlier episode of this podcast ("Christmas at Dollywood is a Chance to Debate the Merits of Peppermint vs. Wint-O-Green"). We find out that Danica's character had a disturbing childhood filled with diet foods and (we assume) a philandering father, but not as disturbing as her love interest whose dad is torn between being played by Bruce Boxleitner (The Scarecrow and Mrs. King) and Gil Gerard (Buck Rogers). Les is not fulfilled by the movies many many montages as none of them include dressing up and twirling, so the guys all realize that they need to find the zen of Petticoat Junction... followed by 20 minutes of nationally televised dry humping.
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Theme song generously donated by purple-planet.com
The Holiday Sitter Helps Hallmark Make Strides with Inclusive Content Even as It Shames Hawaiian Holiday Vacations
Steel Yourself, You’re Not Gonna See a Unit in My Southern Family Christmas, but You Will See Bruce Campbell, Moira Kelly, and a Nick Cannon Advent Calendar of Babies
Three Wise Men and a Baby and a QR Code to Buy Hallmark Wine
Lindsay Lohan is Falling for Christmas in Netflix’s (Unauthorized) Sequel to Overboard and Unbreakable We Didn’t Know We Needed
Deadly Garage Sale Isn’t Profitable Despite An Office Evite Promoting Grossly Overpriced Pine Cones
Let’s Get Physical with Jenna Dewan + Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelas’ Son in a Tale of Double Standards and George Goebel
Luke MacFarlane Tries to Score at Taking a Shot at Love but Puck Juggles into Being a Commentary on Slumlords with S’mores
Ruthless Realtor Sells Us on a Weekend Getaway in Santa Clarita Where One Can Mount a Pregnancy Test at the Frame Store
BONUS: A Deep Dive on the 1989 Jackee TV Pilot
Keeping up with the Joneses: The Wrong Nemesis is not Theodore Rex, He’s Theodore NEXT with Meredith Thomas
Catherine Bell at a Casual Prison with No Boundaries Means She’ll become Jailbreak Lovers with a Guy that Plays the Ukelele
Caribbean Summer Should Not Be Watched or Recapped Whilst Driving a Car in a Thunderstorm
Killer Grades Are Given for Aging Out of Being a Twink (like Menudo)
BONUS: Interview with the PornHub Math Teacher
Pretty Little Dead Girl Has Low Blood Sugar and Lots of Lingerie but No Black Hoodie
Love, Classified has Pansexuals, Heavy Drinking, and Even Feet Stuff
Fatal Fandom has Twinks, Tacos, Crickets, and Death by Bandana
BONUS EPISODE: Christina DeRosa from Drowning in Secrets Is NOT Alyssa Milano but IS Helping Female Directors, Writers, and Producers
A Little Daytime Drama Can Happen When You’re Not Actually Hiking to the Hollywood Sign
Drowning in Secrets Star Laura Poe is Grilled about Empty Cups, Search Party Food Platters, and Shetland Ponies
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