Boundaries in communication are a building block and we are starting with the cycle of blame. Susie Connerley is back for more great advice and discussion.
What is blame?
Finding a scapegoat in something and putting it all on another party or on yourself. It's a false sense of responsibility: it's either all this person/situation's fault or it's all my fault.
Why do we blame?
Many people have dynamics learned in childhood - how did your parents handle blame? Accountability and honesty are not necessarily taught to us and many people do not learn these skills until adulthood, if ever.
People tend to associate blame with being "bad" and tarnishing their image. We need to learn to separate behavior from who we are as people. We are not our actions. We are responsible for our actions but they are not who we are. People are inundated with "be a good boy/girl" from a young age and start to internalize shame for "wrong" behavior.
Shame is, "you're bad." Guilt is, "I don't like what you did but I still love you."
A lot of people will take others' actions personally and are still stuck in the "me, me, me."
What happens when we blame?
It affects our relationships and our ability to connect with others. It clouds our perception of others and the events transpiring.
People who are unable to accountable for the actions are much more disconnected from seeing why they do what they do.
We are products of our environments and continue to reflect that behavior until we make conscious and concentrated efforts to change.
Children bear the brunt of parents not being able to be honest with themselves and being aware of their boundaries and blame behavior. People are often trying to make up for emotional deficits from their childhood. The only environment children know are the one they are raised in. That means they end up trying to find ways and become conditioned to behave in ways to control their behavior, worth, and/or environment, beginning the blame cycle (unconscious internalization).
People can say words like "authentic" and "vulnerable" and not be telling you anything real about themselves. There is a massive tendency to either bypass or have socially acceptable ways of being authentic that is anything but. Emotions are not logical and are uncomfortable because we have not been taught how to deal with them.
Susie Connerley is a Rapid Transformational Therapist who has been working in the wellness arena for 11 years to maximize results, help people achieve real change and become more of who they truly are. With a background in psychology, energy therapy, and meditation, she has a unique ability to see the origin of where people are shutting themselves down and help them come into full empowerment. Susie is on a mission to revolutionize the way we communicate in our relationships by connecting to who we truly are and finding and freeing our voices for good.
Get out there and speak your truth; just do it beautifully.
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