Working in your marriage is overrated

 

Wake the Faith up Slayer… This is Garth Heckman with the David Alliance and you can reach me at

TDAgiantslayer@gmail.com 

 

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37 years of marriage and a total of 40 years together. It was not always easy… hey she married me right? 

We have been through massive challenges with adjusting to family history, expectations, money problems even bankruptcy, cancers, broken necks and paralysis, brain tumors, deaths in our immediate families- tragic horrendous deaths, major dealings with our boys, even dealing with jail and police calls and more… drug addiction, health scares with our grandkids, being fired from a church, changing jobs… look life is not easy for anyone - please don’t think it has been easy for us to stay married because we had an easy life. Far from it!

 

But what have I learned… well relying on Jesus alone, has not been enough. Now you might say… what? But I mean I have to do the work. Like Paul says “Faith without works is dead”. Your marriage is dead in the water… bloating, floating and stinking up the place if you are not willing to work on your marriage… how do you do that?

Well first work on yourself. By that I DON’T MEAN.. working on your physical body getting buff, nor do I mean working on your goals so you are more wealthy, faster car, bigger house, more toys etc… I don’t mean working on your skill set… you know be a better communicator, better boss, more skilled at a hobby or skill or talent… 

NOPE NOPE NOPE

I mean working on you! How is your emotional ability to handle anger, conflict, surprises that are not fun. 

How is your prayer life with Jesus? Are you more intimate? Does he speak more clearly to you. Are you more obedient?

Do you know your weaknesses better? Are you more accountable to those weaknesses? Do you have others in your life that keep you accountable at being a better husband and father? 

Have you taken steps to care for your spouse better emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually? 

Can you honestly say you are glad you are not as immature and selfish as you were 5 years ago? 10 years ago? 20 years ago? 35 years ago? 

The truth is, the better YOU version you become as a servant, humble, loving, giving the better a spouse you become. 

You can have it all, have it made, have it together and still be the worst spouse in the world. If all you live for is to please yourself and gratify yourself- life pretty simple and you don’t really have to grow much. oh you may have to learn new skills, and persevere and push through for your goals… but you can still be a turd to be married to - and that goes for men and women. 

 

You see as a pastor and a counselor everyone talks about what it takes to have a great marriage, or what are the tools, or HOW to have a great marriage.

The truth is no one has a great marriage all the time…

You just choose not to bail

You choose to work on you more than your marriage

You choose to not keep track of others wrongs, but rather your wrongs and your attitude crap and you go to God with it. 

Look I found the greatest house in the world. it is absolutely fantastic. it is in Hawaii on the ocean, deep green rich landscape, beautiful vegetation, the sea life and the animals.. it is paradise. Plus the weather and views of the ocean… I cannot believe I landed this house… but there is a problem… sometimes the weather gets bad… and you never know when. There have been times where it has ruined some of the vegetation and even done damage to the house… sometimes it gets so hot that the air conditioner doesn’t even help. And there have been a few times where I have gotten stung by jellyfish in the ocean… and rumor has it there are even sharks out there. 

… So I am going to move. Everyone else seems to have a great house and they are not affected by what I am. So I will go find another geographical place to live with a house that is not affected by weather and the outside elements.

 

Look do you get what I am saying? When I picked out my wife and she said yes… I would have been a fool to think that we would never have problems, issues, heartaches, disagreements and all out fights… but if I work on me and not just move- I can live there for ever.

Working on your marriage is overrated…work on yourself and watch the magic happen!