You Cheated. You’re Not a Monster. Here’s How to Understand Yourself and Become the Man You Meant to Be.
You’re not a monster because you cheated— you are a hurting human who never learned how to feel, name, and heal what’s going on inside. And understanding that and forgiving yourself is the key to rebuilding trust, whether you stay together or not.
This episode is a love letter—and a challenge—to the betrayer. Whether you’re the one who cheated or you’re the partner trying to understand how th...
You Cheated. You’re Not a Monster. Here’s How to Understand Yourself and Become the Man You Meant to Be.
You’re not a monster because you cheated— you are a hurting human who never learned how to feel, name, and heal what’s going on inside. And understanding that and forgiving yourself is the key to rebuilding trust, whether you stay together or not.
This episode is a love letter—and a challenge—to the betrayer. Whether you’re the one who cheated or you’re the partner trying to understand how the person you love could hurt you so deeply, this conversation pulls back the curtain on what’s really going on inside the betraying partner. Lora shares honest, vulnerable insights from walking beside her husband through his infidelity, exploring why most men genuinely don’t know why they cheated, how shame and unresolved boyhood wounds fuel destructive coping, and what it actually takes to become trustworthy again. You’ll learn how to move from “I’m a monster” to “I made a devastating mistake—and I’m willing to change,” so both of you can stop walking on eggshells and start moving toward clarity, accountability, and healing.
Top 3 Takeaways
- Why “I don’t know why I did it” is often true—just not the whole truth.
Most betrayers genuinely don’t know the root cause of their cheating because they were never taught to identify or communicate their emotions. Until they can name what they’re feeling—rejection, shame, emasculation, grief—cheating will continue to be a maladaptive coping mechanism, not a “character flaw problem” to shame away.
- Your actions don’t define your core—but your accountability does.
There’s a profound difference between being a cheater and having cheated. Lora breaks down how to step out of the “cheater” identity and back into integrity through nervous system regulation, consistent follow-through (“do what you say you’ll do”), and small, repeated acts of honor that show you’re becoming truly trustworthy again.
- Healing requires feeling it all—without fleeing, fixing, or deflecting.
From the sticky note that said “Feel it all” to simple somatic practices like standing in your integrity, brushing off old attachments, and speaking from your gut instead of your head, you’ll learn concrete ways to sit with your own shame, regret, and pain and hold space for your partner’s rage and grief—without collapsing, defending, or running away.
Book Your Private Session for Men, women, or couples HERE: https://calendly.com/loras-schedule/men-s-session
If this episode spoke to you, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who needs hope on their healing journey. Your voice helps other women (and men) find the support they deserve.
Favorite Quotes
“This isn’t about getting your wife to trust you again. It’s about becoming a man who is truly trustworthy—and honoring yourself enough to live that way.”
“You’re not a monster—you’re a human in pain who chose a harmful coping mechanism. Now the question is: who do you want to be from here?”
Free FLAUNT! Holiday Reset & Book Club
If this episode hit home, your next step is simple:
Join Lora on December 1st for a free live FLAUNT! Book Club & Workshop — a Holiday Reset designed to move you from performance to presence in real time.
You’ll:
- Work with practices from FLAUNT! Drop Your Cover and Reveal Your Smart, Sexy & Spiritual Self
- Get tools to break your performance scripts and over-functioning habits
- Have space to decompress after Thanksgiving and prepare for the rest of the season in a different way
- Practice embodying presence so you can actually feel the joy you’re creating
Sign up free: TheFlauntBook.com
You don’t need to be “caught up” or have read the whole book. Just bring yourself, your copy, and a willingness to show up as you are.
LOVE THE SHOW? TAKE THE NEXT STEP
Don’t just listen—start healing.
Get your free downloadable guide on the “The Top Three Ways You Betray Yourself Every Day, and How to Stop” at www.burnoutorbetrayal.com. https://workplace-burnout.com/the-top-3-ways-you-betray-yourself-every-day-and-how-to-stop/
If you’re ready to Rise Up & Reign as the creator and queen of your life, let’s talk. I will walk by your side and give you the perspective, permission, and wisdom needed to turn your betrayal experience into something constructive, empowering, and transformative in all the right ways.
Learn more at www.loracheadle.com and follow me across all social!
Download your Sparkle After Betrayal Recovery Guide at www.BetrayalRecoveryGuide.com, a guide designed to help you take the first steps in feeling better, so you can reclaim your power, own your worth, and start putting yourself, and your life, back together again.
About Lora:
Lora Cheadle, JD, CHt is a betrayal recovery coach, attorney, TEDx speaker, and author of FLAUNT! and It’s Not Burnout, It’s Betrayal.
After uncovering her husband’s 15-year affair, she turned her own pain into purpose—helping high-achieving women reclaim their identity, power, and joy.
A trauma-aware coach, somatic therapist, and former attorney, Lora blends legal insight with emotional and spiritual healing for full-spectrum recovery.
She is the author of FLAUNT! Drop Your Cover and Reveal Your Smart, Sexy, & Spiritual Self (an International Book Awards Finalist and Tattered Cover Bestseller) and It’s Not Burnout, It’s Betrayal: 5 Tools to FUEL UP & Thrive. She also hosts the podcast FLAUNT! Create a Life You Love After Infidelity and Betrayal. Learn more at www.loracheadle.com and follow me across all social!
Get the support you need to find your footing, begin making sense of it all, and feel better fast. As an attorney, betrayal recovery expert, and survivor of infidelity I can help you find the clarity and confidence to create a life that you love on the other side of betrayal. Book Your Session Here: https://calendly.com/loras-schedule/coaching-session
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