Kids & Family:Parenting
Thank you for joining us! Welcome to another episode of Foster Family Matters with your hosts Shawn Wilson, Ryan North, and Lori Fangue. If you don’t already know, we are a foster care, adoption, and behavior health non-profit in North Texas.
Today’s episode is a continuation of one we started last time talking about relationships. Specifically, we will be looking at indicators of healthy relationships. What truly makes a healthy relationship? There are four tenants; giving nurture, receiving nurture, negotiating wants and needs and being interdependent. We will dive into each of these during this series.
We are currently focused on social media and trying to grow the show. We are extremely grateful and excited about the success we’ve seen so far. We’ve also started posting video versions of the show on Facebook and YouTube as well as highlights on Instagram TV. Make sure to check those out!
If you aren’t already a member, you can also join our Facebook group called Foster Family Matters to find a community with like-minded parents. The group is really about relationships in a familial setting and connecting with people who have similar interests in improving relationships.
Jude Cassidy did some research and formulated a theory that there are four things that a secure relationship in order to be healthy and positive. Today we are specifically talking about the ability to give nurture and care.
We are wanting to broaden your perspective of what it means to be nurtured. There is a level of subjectivity to that word. How we define that world will relate to how we show care and nurture to others. All of us feel nurtured in different ways.
A relationship requires at least two people. We can initially appear to be super compassionate. If all you have is sympathy, you’ll never get there. What you really need is empathy. Sympathy is just a starting point while empathy is a required component of compassion.
Compassionate parenting is so much more than feeling sorry. It’s a growth process to get there. You don’t just wake up in healthy relationships, because healthy relationships take work. Most people don’t empathize easily. It has to be practiced regularly to be able to step outside ourselves and into someone else’s shoes. When there is self-centeredness, there is no way to truly embody empathy.
We tend to go back to the way we were taught to love and care. Love and care can look differently for different people. It’s important to understand how you like to help vs what help is actually needed. Sometimes you have to coach people on how to care for someone else. For example, you can have your kids put band-aids on each other.
It’s also important to be aware of your reason for giving nurture and care. Help is always welcome. It’s great to help in any compacity. Yet, sometimes we help more for ourselves rather than for those who need help. This is just something to be aware of.
Sometimes it’s easy to assume we are great caregivers, even if maybe we aren’t. Find people you are doing life with to speak truth to you. They can provide insight into how you provide nurture and care.
Adults have to drive change in our homes. Parents drive positive change. Kids can learn things or they can catch things. It’s taught or it’s caught. What do you want your kids being taught?
Side note, don’t get discouraged and don’t give up on giving-care if the person you trying to give care to is not good at receiving care. We will be talking about that in our next episode. Next time we will be talking all about receiving care and how to best receive care.
If you think about these things, it makes perfect sense. If someone matters to you, you should want what’s best for them. If these things aren’t evident in your relationships, it’s a good opportunity to reflect and figure out why that is. Don’t be disillusioned by the simplicity of these concepts. Reflecting on these can be very helpful.
Facebook Group: Foster Family Matters
Show Website: www.fosterfamilymatters.org
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Negotiation: Part 5 of the Four Tenets of Healthy Relationships
Interdependence: Part 4 of the Four Tenets of Health Relationships
National Adoption Month: A Conversation with Lauren Hudgeons
Receiving Care: Part 3 of the Four Tenets of Health Relationships
Part 1: Four Tenets of Healthy Relationships
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Part 5: "The Whole Brain Child" Book Discussion
Part 4: "The Whole Brain Child" Book Discussion
Part 3: "The Whole Brain Child" Book Discussion
Part 2: "The Whole Brain Child" Book Discussion
Part 1: "The Whole Brain Child" Book Discussion
Summer is Here! Managing Transitions (Part 2)
Summer is Coming, Managing Transitions
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Can Support Networks & Community Make a Difference?
Self-Regulation: Just Breathe . . .
What is Trauma?
Felt Safety: Why Knowing we are Safe is not Enough