How to Parent Peacefully. With the Hand in Hand Parenting approach.

#073 AMA - Ask Me Anything: impulse control, power reversal play, emotional regulation, sibling rivalry

Today is an Ask Me Anything episode. I have lots of juicy questions about a whole range of topics including children running away in carparks, responding to a child who always wants a new toy in the shops, helping a child who doesn’t like to say hello or goodbye, a child who often interrupts, impulse control with hitting and sibling rivalry. I love the Ask Me Anything episodes because I think it helps parents to see that they are not the only ones trying to figure out how to deal with their child in a respectful and gentle way, that other parents are struggling too with the everyday challenges of parenting.  If you would like to ask your own parenting question, join my Peacefully Parenting Under 8s Facebook Group and get great community support plus lots of free trainings on the practical ways you can get gentle parenting working in your family. In this episode I mention Episode 20 Why kids hit, bite, pinch or kick and what to do about it.​If you are ready to put these ideas into practice in your own parenting, come and work with me over in the Peaceful Parent School.  Click here to find out more and book your place.If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with a friend and consider leaving an iTunes review. It will help this conversation reach even more parents.I would love to stay in touch! You can follow me on Facebook and Instagram @PamParentCoach. I always love to hear from my listeners.

#072 How to forgive yourself when you mess up in parenting

Today I am talking about self-forgiveness in parenting and why it is so very, very important as we all strive to be more gentle parents. In fact, I will go as far to say that it is difficult to be a gentle parent without extending that same empathy towards yourself. Empathy is at the very heart of gentle parenting but it is often considered something we offer mainly to our children. But it is hard to offer something we aren’t receiving ourselves. If we want our children to be empathetic towards themselves and those around them, then (as with all things parenting) we need to model that same kind of empathy towards ourselves. In this episode I talk about why self-love is so important and I describe a beautiful practice that you can start using straight away to bring more compassion into your life. So you can become your own best friend instead of allowing that critical voice to be your worst enemy.  Timestamps: [00:02:02] Default parenting and autopilot. [00:03:36] Forgiving ourselves in parenting. [00:08:05] Feeling bad after losing temper. [00:11:43] Love and empathy for ourselves. [00:15:08] Forgiving ourselves is important. [00:18:17] Feeling guilty after losing it. [00:22:02] Big emotions and self-compassion. [00:25:15] Practicing self-compassion in parenting. If you are ready to put these ideas into practice in your own parenting, come and work with me over in the Peaceful Parent School.  Click here to find out more and book your place.If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with a friend and consider leaving an iTunes review. It will help this conversation reach even more parents.I would love to stay in touch! You can follow me on Facebook and Instagram @PamParentCoach. I always love to hear from my listeners.

#071 After-School Restraint Collapse: Why is my child falling apart after school and how can I help them?

It is great to be back with season 3 of the podcast! And today I’m talking about After-school Restraint Collapse. You may not have heard this term - if you haven’t, it simply refers to the phenomenon of kids holding it together all day and then after-school they fall apart. They might have a meltdown in the car on the way home or they might be grumpy and short-tempered for the rest of the day, making everyone else's day miserable too. I’m going to talk in depth about what causes After-School Restraint Collaps, why it’s on the increase, what’s going on at an emotional level and how we can deal with it. I spend time looking at the big picture of why school isn't working for so many children and also what parents can do in the moment to support their child. I talk about the coke bottle analogy - how the micro-stressors that children experience every day in school is like shaking up a bottle of coke. Then, when they reconnect with you, their safe person, they stop trying to hold things together and all those bubbles come fizzing out - sometimes explosively so. In this episode I talk in depth about the challenges many children face in a school system that is often not child friendly. I want to emphasise here that there are many amazing teachers in the school system that are working hard to create safe, nurturing spaces for their students - thank you! We need more of you doing this work. And I also acknowledge that it is difficult for teachers to work within a system that has large class sizes and a focus on standardised testing of students. The reality is that many children struggle with the school system and we need to question why that is and what we can do about it. I think it is important to focus on the big systemic issues as well as the very practical steps you can take to meet your child's physical and emotional needs after school. 00:00:16 Understanding after school restraint collapse. 00:05:28 Emotional support is crucial for children. 00:14:51 Schools can be stressful for kids. 00:17:05 Advocate for your child's needs. 00:20:42 Listen and believe your child. 00:25:58 Practice self-compassion in parenting. 00:30:35 Self-care for balanced parenting. 00:35:35 Connection and play help children process emotions. 00:42:07 Support and connect with parents. If you are ready to put these ideas into practice in your own parenting, come and work with me over in the Peaceful Parent School.  Click here to find out more and book your place.If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with a friend and consider leaving an iTunes review. It will help this conversation reach even more parents.I would love to stay in touch! You can follow me on Facebook and Instagram @PamParentCoach. I always love to hear from my listeners.

#070 Boundaries are about being true to yourself, not a way to control your kids

This week on the podcast I am talking about boundaries and limits. Boundaries in parenting are about understanding our own comfort levels and needs in a given moment with our children. They are internal and help us establish limits with our kids. These limits don't have to be harsh or controlling; they can be set in a gentle, loving, and warm manner. Boundaries and limits are not about trying to control our children but rather about being authentic with our children and maintaining our own well-being at the same time. Setting boundaries is about honouring our own needs and comfort levels, which in turn allows us to have more compassion for others. When we communicate clear boundaries, we avoid resentment and are better able to meet the needs of our children.  It is crucial to respect and honour our children's preferences and needs whenever possible, helping them develop a strong connection to themselves as they grow older. This can be challenging in today's world, but even small steps towards honouring their preferences can make a difference. I invite parents to regularly check in with themselves when making parenting decisions, asking if they are comfortable with a situation in a given moment. By setting limits based on this self-assessment, parents can maintain an authentic connection with their child, rather than trying to control them. If you are ready to put these ideas into practice in your own parenting, come and work with me over in the Peaceful Parent School.  Click here to find out more and book your place.If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with a friend and consider leaving an iTunes review. It will help this conversation reach even more parents.I would love to stay in touch! You can follow me on Facebook and Instagram @PamParentCoach. I always love to hear from my listeners.

#069 How to help children with frustration

This week on the podcast I am talking about how to help our children with frustration.  I think frustration is one of the most difficult emotions to be with - because so often we end up frustrated ourselves. We quickly get frustrated with our children’s frustration.  So this week I’m talking about how we can break out of that cycle of frustration and deal with it in a more emotionally mature way so we can support our children to offload their own frustrations and take on challenges in life without hiding away from the difficult things they are faced with.  I talk about how to unravel our own stories around frustration, how to stay present and grounded in the moment, why connection (as always) is the key, whey we don’t have to shy away from the bigger feelings underneath the frustration and I also have some playful ideas to help in the moment and proactively at other times.  And as always, I have a big dose of empathy for you - it is ok to show up as the messy, imperfect human you are to support your child with their big messy feelings. We are all imperfect parents figuring it out together.  If you are ready to put these ideas into practice in your own parenting, come and work with me over in the Peaceful Parent School.  Click here to find out more and book your place.If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with a friend and consider leaving an iTunes review. It will help this conversation reach even more parents.I would love to stay in touch! You can follow me on Facebook and Instagram @PamParentCoach. I always love to hear from my listeners.