Call Me Your Nightmare, Call Me Your Dream: Transmission 513, 2020 February 26
Wednesday is my day of healing: first therapy, and then this. My therapist thinks my dj hobby is creativity. I think it is self-expression at best. I have never believed that djs are artists or that spinning and mixing records is a performance. I have done art and I have done performance; I may do these things again, god help us all. But for reasons of trauma those are in the past.
There is plenty of new trauma unfolding in the present. Work was not going well at the time of this broadcast. I was feeling inadequate and afraid to show up as myself. Little did I know what kind of blessing the pandemic would be in this regard.
The program is my one arena for seeming and feeling competent. Listening back to the programs from this time, I do wonder what any of it has to do with "the self." I think that has gotten better, but you'll have to wait.
Since this program was broadcast, 416 days ago now, I've gone "on the air" 58 times. I have delivered 53 pre-recorded episodes on account of the pandemic. At long last I have set up my voice-over mic and preamp in my new house. I am accepting the new reality by and by, probably just in time for it to end.
BOMBAST playlist, 2020 February 26, 2100-2300:
I've killed everybody, now what
It is Free
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