Episode 35: Why Don’t Our Partners Help Us? (And What You Can Do About It)

Do you ever feel like you’re carrying the weight of everything in your relationship? 

Like your partner doesn’t step up, leaving you feeling overwhelmed, frustrated, or responsible for everything? 

If you’ve ever wondered how to get your partner to help more or why they don’t seem to notice what you need, this episode is for you.

We’re unpacking the reasons behind this dynamic and exploring practical steps to create balance in your relationship. 

From recognizing patterns like overfunctioning to learning how to express your needs clearly, I give you actionable tools to shift the responsibility and feel more supported.

 

What You’ll Learn in This Episode

• Why you might feel like you’re doing everything in your relationship.
• How to stop feeling like you’re responsible for all the emotional and physical labor.
• The role of self-expression in getting your partner to step up without nagging or conflict.
• How overfunctioning might be preventing your partner from helping.
• Five steps to reset the dynamic and create a more balanced partnership.

 

Resources 

• Guide: How to Reconnect After a Fight
• Mini-Course: 7-Day Relationship Reboot

 

5 Steps to Get Your Partner to Help More

• Recognize Overfunctioning
  • Overfunctioning happens when you take on too much—whether it’s tasks, emotions, or decisions—because you feel it’s easier than letting go. But this can unintentionally signal to your partner that their help isn’t needed, which keeps the dynamic stuck.
• Pause Before Taking Over
  • Instead of jumping in to handle everything, pause and ask yourself: Do I really need to take this on, or can I let my partner handle it? Creating space allows your partner to step in.
• Communicate What You Need
  • Partners often don’t help because they don’t know exactly what you want. Say things like, “I’m feeling overwhelmed and could use your help with [specific task],” rather than, “You never help.” Clear communication avoids blame and fosters collaboration.
• Let Go of Perfection
  • If you expect your partner to do things exactly the way you would, you might unintentionally discourage them from helping. Focus on their effort rather than how perfectly they do something.
• Reinforce and Acknowledge Their Help
  • When your partner steps up, let them know you appreciate it. Positive reinforcement builds their confidence and encourages them to contribute more consistently.

 

Key Quotes from the Episode

• “Your partner can’t step up if you’re always stepping in.”
• “Clear communication is the bridge between feeling unsupported and creating a true partnership.”
• “When you let go of control, you create space for your partner to step in and help.”

 

Listen Now
If you’re tired of feeling like you’re doing everything in your relationship and want to know how to get your partner to step up, this episode is for you. We’ll help you identify the patterns that keep you stuck, share strategies for clear communication, and show you how to create the balanced partnership you deserve.

Resources:

• Download the guide: How to Reconnect After a Fight – a quick-reference tool for re-engaging after an argument
• Explore the 7-Day Relationship Reboot – transform your relationship in just a week, with easy daily steps

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