If you've ever wondered just how smart Michele Bachmann really is, you've come to the right place. We explore her incredible grasp of both history and theology on tonight's episode, and so much more. First, you'll get to hear all about today's disturbing "holiday", how Matt cut a lengthy fart once to save Christmas, and how there's a new parody porn with the best porn name ever. We'll also talk about the (not-so) Super Bowl, the Seahawks' new mascot Mike Hawk, and how Sochi apparently forgot the Olympics were coming to town. Lastly, we will attempt to answer one of life's great questions: Why are there aggressive seagulls surrounding the Vatican? It's a real spiritual journey of discovery and reflection tonight.