1. Obama establishes full diplomatic relations with Cuba, angering conservative Floridians everywhere. Because nothing says “conceding to tyranny” like diplomatic relations!
2. Governor Andrew Cuomo finally confirms what everyone with flammable drinking water has known for ages, bans fracking in New York
3. Remember that movie that you weren’t going to see with your family on Christmas, The Interview? You can now carry on with that plan guilt-free after Sony pulls it over possible North Korean terrorist threats.
4. NY Mag follows in Rolling Stone’s lazy footsteps by not checking any sources in Stuyvesant student’s fake $72 million dollar stock market fortune.
5. Mitt Romney still leads republican presidential polls? Thankfully Donald Trump looks to challenge him in a battle for the nomination, and title of most out of touch uber-rich old white man in America.