Kids & Family
S5-Ep194 - Parenting Type 4: Authoritative
The holy grail of parenting. I told you it was going to get harder. I mean everyone knows that uninvolved parenting isn’t the wave of the future. Anyway; today is that day it gets harder.
It gets harder because we know what to do – but actually doing it is hard.
The nice thing is that I’m not here give you a list of 20 things to do. Yes, 20 things could be done. But what’s different about a fastcast like this is that I understand we have to boil it down to 1-2 things we can do today and we can work on a few more things, tomorrow.
First – let’s setup what this magical perfect parent does (And it’s not me):
These perfect parents are reasonable and nurturing, and set high, clear expectations.
You see, it’s getting hard already.
I know I try to be reasonable, but how reasonable can I be about a child who is having a full on meltdown for not getting the green bowl of oatmeal while his brother is already eating into the blue one?! And in those moments I’ve done a lot of different things on different occasions. I’ve yelled, I’ve ignored, I’ve bargained. I’ve bribed.
And in episode 3 I think I gave the magic answer – do not react. And that’s what you do in situations when there is a lot of energy and drama. But overall, the ideas is that parents are to be reasonable. And a reasonable parent should set the rules, and explain why they exist. And that can feel like it has about a 10% correlation with the kid actually following it – but that’s normal. That will get better over time. The point is that as parents we’re the adults in the room and we take input from our children – but we make the decisions with their long term lives in mind. We communicate as much as we can - and this is something most parents need to do more of --- you almost can’t talk enough with your kids – and we need to make it relevant and personable to them.
In two words – it’s love and it’s logic.
And there’s a whole book series with that name that I love, but it really boils down to that. Love them, and be logical about whatever comes at you.
I’ll continue to work on it – if you will.
It is Free