I have never been as big as you, only got up to 31 bmi, at 24 now. But I wanted to say that I absolutely can relate to the fear of failure with suicide. I was terrified that I would survive the attempt and be stuck in my situation (in the care of the person I was trying to get away from) forever. This person passed 2 years ago. I also understand losing your soul puppy, I lost mine in 2018 and I still cry uncontrollably on occasion. Big hugs to you. ❤️

I only use sunscreen on my tattoos. Some of them are over 25 years old and still look great.