Speaker 1 (00:00):
If Thanksgiving with your narcissistic co-parent feels like waiting for a bomb to go off the last minute schedule changes, the guilt trips, just the chaos in general, this episode is your comb before the storm plan. I'm going to give you the exact tools to help you keep your peace, your power, and those little kiddos protected no matter what. They try this holiday, have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web, but still feel stuck in fear. Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back. Well, you're in the place, queen. I'm Christie, wife, mom and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and dry advice, and had to come to Jesus moment to get me here to feel free. I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck and find healing methods that actually lasted.
(01:00)
Now I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun because I'm sparkly and fun. So of course it's going to be fun. So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself again, this podcast is for you. So steep, that chamomile tea, silence, all that crazy chaos out there. And let's cue your royal glow up. Hello, gorgeous. It's Christie. And today we are diving into the biggest stress point for so many of my listeners around this time of year Thanksgiving with a narcissistic. They come out when it is holiday season, so Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukkah, all the major holidays around here. It'll be kind of relevant to all of them, but we'll definitely do another episode as Christmas and Hanukkah approach. But listen, the Turkey isn't the only thing that gets roasted this time of year. So do your nerves if you've got a narc in your life, am I ?
(02:01)
Am I ? See what I did there? Al, so every November I get that he changed the pickup time again. He wants to switch days without asking. He's using the holiday to get to me. He's guilt tripping the kids about who they love more. This all comes up because it's holiday time, So if this is you, you are not alone, you're not crazy, and you are not powerless. Today we are going to break down how to handle the last minute chaos, the emotional manipulation, and the holiday drama that narcissistic co-parents love to create without sacrificing your mental health or your peace. So let's get into it. So why do narcissists love the holiday drama? If you've noticed that the narcissist to co-parent gets worse around Thanksgiving, you are not imagining that. See the holidays amplify the things narcissists crave most. Are you ready? What do we know They love Attention.
(03:07)
Yes. Control power. Double up a stage to play the victim or the hero and opportunities to create conflict. Thanksgiving gives them the perfect setup for the manipulative behavior because it has all of these parts. It's got schedules, expectations, family dynamics, your kids' emotions, traditions, logistics and deadlines. So these are tools in their little crappy toolbox and they create chaos to throw you off those schedules, those expectations they know you lean on. Ooh, they want you to not have the power to throw you off. They love confusing you, same sort of thing. And they also want to test your boundaries. And they love nothing more than what Getting an emotional reaction. You guys know that. They also do it to feel important. They're like, Ooh, look at all the chaos. It just helps them feel better in a sick way and it keeps you in panic mode and they love all those things.
(04:25)
So understanding this is that first step to taking your control back again. Okay, so what are three of the most common Thanksgiving manipulation tactics? The last minute schedule change. They'll say, I need an extra hour. I'm running late. Actually I want them in the morning. Instead, plans are changed. Just deal with it. This is not poor planning. This is power. It's always power, ? The second one is the guilt trip or hero complex combo. So they'll try, if you cared about the kids, you'd let me, blah, blah, blah. I'm just trying to make Thanksgiving special. Or you are being difficult. They love a good flip around translation. I need to be the hero. So let me control the day. And the third common Thanksgiving manipulation is the kids as messengers move, this one gets under my skin. You too. They'll send emotional bombs through the children.
(05:32)
So something like daddy's so sad he can't see you all day, but mommy wouldn't let you stay or daddy wishes that he didn't have to share, ? If you're doing this, by the way at all, any of this, don't do it. Okay? I know we can have our moments as well. So make sure, and I know you're not a narcissist, but don't pick up. It's hard. I won't get into this in this episode, but it is a good episode. I should probably do about just almost like the getting back at or tit for tatting never fall into their trap, but any guilt trip to the kids, never, ever, ever do this. So something like daddy wishes he didn't have to share, but I do. Okay? It's not healthy, but they do it and they do it a lot. So this puts the kids in the emotional crossfire, which is not okay, but you can respond without adding fuel and we'll get there too.
(06:34)
So then the calm confidence response plan. So we have some scripts included in this. You love a good script. I do. Good. Stick around. Stick with Christie here. Al, so boundary. Skip for a last minute schedule. Change something like this. Thanks for letting me know. We'll stick to the parenting agreement. I'll see you at 11 o'clock or whatever the scheduled time is. You can say the scheduled time. 11:00 AM ? Put it in writing. If you guys have not gotten this in your heads yet, put everything in writing. Everything in writing. Preferably use Family wizard or some third party app that your attorney or anyone else, the courts, if they need access, everything is recorded in one place. But anyway, keep it short, neutral, no emotions. If you get anything out of all my podcast, keep your emotions out of it and no openings for them to counter, ?
(07:35)
It's just like, oh, thanks for letting me know, but we're going to stick to the plan, the parenting agreement. See you at 11, no opening. We're not negotiating. Not with the terrorist. Al? And a boundary script. If they push again, because we know our arcs, the plan is already set. I'll see you at the agreed time. A boundary script for guilt trips. I'm not discussing this. Please keep communication to logistics only boundary script for kids as messengers, which we again say a big hell no response for that. I'll communicate directly with you. Please don't give the kids messages meant for adults. Okay? And again, put these all in writing if possible. If you're face-to-face, you also can use them verbally. But these send a clear message. I'm not playing your holiday games. Okay, Rudolph, stay in your lane, stay in your damn lane. Okay? So let's add a little 62nd nervous system reset for holiday moments.
(08:44)
And I'll probably be doing the Thrive five along these lines, but maybe you're not going to have time to watch, to have time to listen to Thursday's show because it'll be Thanksgiving. I'll probably post it Wednesday night. Maybe I will actually post it that night. That's a good idea. So then if you do have time Wednesday, you can listen to it before the big Turkey day. I'll do a thrive in five for that. Okay? So that's the plan for you guys. Okay? Change of plans on my end. I'm like a narc on Thanksgiving. Changing plans last minute. Al? So if you start to feel your chest tighten in these moments, your stomach drop or your brain spinning, do this. Okay, let's call it a holiday grounding reset. Shall we give it a little fun? Tinsel first, plant your feet and feel the floor. If you can take your shoes off, really feel grounded, then exhale longer than you inhale.
(09:45)
So you're inhaling maybe two seconds in, two, one out, 4, 3, 2, 1. Then we do the five visual things around you name 'em. So you're looking around palm tree fan curtain, red shirt, chipped nails. I got to get a manicure. Okay? That keeps you in the present. Then you're going to place your hand on your heart and you're going to tell you all sexy old body, you are safe. I am here. You are not alone, okay? You're never alone. You got the big GOD with you. And if you're not a God believer, whatever, whoever, however, I'm a big God person, so I love having God with me at all times. You could be like, I got Christy Jade and her queen ass crown with me. Okay? You are safe. I'm here. You're not alone. You always got yourself and either God or creepy Christy with her crown.
(10:53)
I don't know why I'm there with you. Things just got weird. Al? So this works because you're bringing your nervous system out of the threat mode, which is exactly where narcissists tried to push you, ? They want you there feeling just rattled. And you are going to be, believe me, you will work with me. You're going, you're going to get real close to getting unrattled barely ever. And then maybe never. Yay. We love that. All ? And then the kids need one regulated parent. So this has to be you. It can and it will. Even if that's not this second, that's fine. Okay? You have time. We'll get there. Even if the co-parent acts up, even if the schedule changes, even if they try to guilt trip the kids, you can and should be the emotional anchor in your home. And it sucks being the bigger person.
(11:53)
But here we are, you have been chosen, okay, speaking of that big man upstairs, thanks God for choosing us to be the bigger people. Such an easy job, al? But when you stay steady, your kids feel steady. When you regulate yourself, the kids regulate faster, they learn from you. When you refuse to take the bait from that narc, the drama fizzles out quicker. And that's good for everybody. And you cannot control the narcissist behavior, but you can control your energy, your boundaries, and your peace. And that is what changes the entire holiday. So if the holidays are brutal with a narcissistic, this is exactly the work I do with my one-on-one clients. The nervous system support the scripts, the strategy, the healing, all the goodness. So my spots are very limited, and that means that's because emotionally I put everything into my clients. If you're a client of mine, you're probably like, yep, that's true.
(13:06)
I will go above and beyond. So I put a lot of myself into this coaching and somatic healing. So I do open spots in my schedule, but I only take on a certain amount of clients at a time. now, I have had an influx, a lot of ongoing clients, so three month clients. So that means that I have a couple spots open. And in January, I think in January, one spot opens up unless they continue on, which often my clients do after the three months. But just saying, if you're interested in working with me in December, let me know. Some of you, I had someone reach out asking about January already. You can do that too though. If you want to sign up, but you feel like the holidays, it's too chaotic, whatever, email me, let me know. We will figure out a little plan and put you on.
(14:06)
We can not put you on the schedule in January, but we can talk and leave it open. So I will let you know when time opens up and we can put you on the schedule that way. So really, if you want that nervous system support and the scripts that are personalized to you in your situation and just trying to understand the narcissist, some of you are still kind of working that out. But then the somatic healing is where this magic, epic, crazy mind blowing work comes I every single time, which is almost every, I would say 98% of my calls, I do some sort of somatic healing. It is just indescribable amazing work. It's why I do what I do now because the shifts that come so quickly in people is beautiful and it feels like magic. I mean, that sounds hokey. And I'm not saying magic in the woo woo magic which way I'm saying magic in a God way, a spiritual way.
(15:14)
It's magic because, and our bodies are magic. The body remembers trauma and your brain and your body are not always in sync. So you can mentally even kind of rewrite some things and be like, I know that. I know that it wasn't my fault and I've pushed the guilt away. But deep down, you still are carrying guilt that is physically weighing your shoulders down or has you in knots in your stomach, or anytime you see their name, it triggers you as if you're still living with that person. These are the things we work on. And if you want more information, there's always information in my show notes. So you can click on the links there to get more information. If you want to sign up, you can sign up. But if you want to just read more about it before you sign up, it goes into more detail.
(16:06)
And you can always email me and my emails in the show notes too. Fierce Mama C at Gmail. That's , I'm fierce, I'm a mama and I'm C and I'm ready to work with you. Let's go change some lives. And you guys, I have news for you. I've got news and I'll tell you my news. Are you ready for it? Are you still waiting? Are you still here on the edge of your seat? I have finished the first pass of my book, which is going to be about yes, narcissistic abuse recovery because duh, ? But it's going to have my queen flavor in it. This won't be a boring book. This is going to be a sassy educational but glittery empowering book. And I'm so excited, so excited. I am going to add a little more flavor to it. I was focusing on the content.
(17:06)
My first pass, it has a little of me of course naturally, but I'm going to try to stylize it just a touch more. And then I am going to, I've been in touch with a couple editors, reach out to a couple more. I'm trying to go big mama's going, big mama's reaching out to editors that are maybe out of my league. But I believe God wants this book to impact a lot of people. And I believe in my work and you guys are so amazing and I want more people like you to be able to be helped and make it in not such a stale. I want it to be not fun, but we have fun, don't we? Clients out there. We have some fun a little bit.
(17:56)
This is really empowering work and I want it to be uplifting and I want this book to be. It is uplifting and making women feel empowered and sparkly and knowing their truth and re-identifying themselves. It's going to be a great book. And so I'm really excited. And if you know an editor that's amazing and you want to recommend anyone, I never know what contacts I have on here, please email me. So I am looking for a developmental editor first to just make sure all the loose ends are tied up. And I'd really love to get it published in 2026. I don't know if that's over aspirational, but I'm a quick lady. They don't call me a bunny for no reason, okay? I'm bunny with a crown. So that's just something really exciting I wanted to share with you guys and I hope that you will all enjoy reading it.
(18:59)
I think you will. I can't wait till it's just printed and in my hands and bookstores. It's just going to be amazing. Al, so look, Thanksgiving back to the content at hand here. Thanksgiving does not have to be a battlefield with an arc. It seems like it does, ? But it's not going to ever be perfect and flowy like you're dealing with a healthy human. But you are allowed to keep things simple. Stick to the plan, protect your peace and your children's peace. Refuse their manipulation. Have a nice holiday and choose the calm over the chaos. You got to really start seeing the chaos for what it is from a zoomed out lens. Say that's chaos. How can I avoid being in the chaos? Don't take the bait, don't be emotional. Do a 92nd, even a ten second body, calm down. Reminding yourself, this is always motivation for me.
(19:58)
I want my daughter to have peace. So calm the F down. You little crazy Italian woman inside in there. Okay? Do you have a little crazy Italian in you too? Al, so this here, your mantra is their chaos is not my responsibility. It doesn't have to have anything to do with you. And if it gets too chaotic, you can walk the hell out, whatever you got to do or walk away, ? You've got this and I am here. here cheering you on. Okay? So I will see you in the next episode. I will post that Wednesday. I don't know exactly what time, but I will try to do it maybe on the earlier side. Maybe I can post it Tuesday night. Yeah, that sounds like a plan. So sparkle, sparkle up. Okay, enjoy your Turkey and your mashed potatoes and your stuffing. My favorite, I think, I don't know.
(20:57)
I don't even care about the Turkey. Don't hurt me. It's that stuffing in the mashed potatoes for me. I love them both. It equally. Maybe stuffing a hair more. I have potatoes so much more throughout the year, so it's kind of like stuffings a little special. I should do an episode on stuffing. No, but email me and tell me your favorite side on Thanksgiving, acquiring wines mines. Want to know? I also make my own cranberry sauce is delectable. So also come join my private Facebook group with all of us sexy and narc abuse survivors. Yes, we bring it there. So that's a private group. It's private, which I love. So you can join that. That link is also in the show notes and if you want to share it there, maybe I'll do a little post and say what side do you love? And people will be like, what does this have to do with narcissistic abuse? And I'll say absolutely nothing. This is my a DD squirrel brain thinking about stepping. I'm going to go do it now so I don't forget. Okay? Al, love you guys. See you on Wednesday rather than Thursday this week for a special Thrive in five. Don't forget to follow my podcast. Love you. Bye.
