My Partner has a Slip with Porn and I go Online to See What He was Looking at! How do I Stop this Painful Behavior?

In this episode, Mark & Steve address a very common "painful" behavior that the partners of porn addicts can often engage in. A PBSE listener sent in a description of her situation:  her boyfriend is currently in recovery for porn addiction and making a lot of great progress. Like nearly all addicts in recovery, he still does have occasional slips back into porn use. He shares these openly with her and then she feels compelled to go to the same websites to view what he was looking at. Here's how she describes her pain—

I've found myself spiraling every time it [his slip] happens, and I end up either stalking the accounts of porn stars, models, Only Fans girls, or watching actual porn as a means of comparing myself, and I don't know why I do it. It almost feels comforting but it also sends me further into a spiral. He has a close friend he can confide in, and after a slip up he recovers quickly, and gets back on track, but I often feel stuck in a rut after an incident, and I'm not sure how to break this toxic cycle of comparing myself and looking at the same content he does. What do I do from here? How do I stop? Is there anything else we should be doing as a couple and individually?

Mark and Steve address her concerns and talk directly about HOW she can break free from this constantly "re-traumatizing" practice. 


Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve in 3 one-hour sessions every week—addicts, spouses and couples! And live support groups on weekends, facilitated by Mark and Steve! To try a free, 2-week trial, visit—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services