Should I Just be “OK” with my Partner’s Lusting?

In this episode, Mark and Steve respond to a PBSE listener's question about her struggles with her partner lusting after a co-worker—

Hello Mark & Steve,  My partner and I are currently in reconciliation from sex addiction and we are in our 4th month of monthly couples sessions as well as I recently started individual sessions. We really like our sex specialist, but he tells me to not pay attention to [my partner's] "lusting" and to get out of his head when it comes to the lusting as well. My question is: My partner had betrayed me by lusting and acting out with images and thoughts of his coworker. How do I ignore the lusting, as that was one of my main questions to gauge how he is doing by asking him, and it is now one of my boundaries—I don't think he is working on this area, as he still lusts after her week after week and it is tearing me up inside.

-  Relationships are consensual—you have the right to expect fidelity, trust and safety—AND to define what these terms mean for YOU.

-  You also get to decide on the definition of "exclusivity" and the specific boundaries attached to it—what do you want this to look like in your relationship?

-  In a truly connected relationship, each partner must have an "equal voice."

-  Transparency/authenticity on the part of both parties is essential to THRIVE as a couple—this includes behaviors and expectations.

-  Be mindful of the influence that your life history can have on this process:  being raised in a heavily sexualized culture; your family of origin; interactions with peers; rigid religiosity; trauma and abuse; etc. 

Learn more about Mark and Steve's new online program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve three times a week--addicts, spouses and couples! Visit—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Here's an article about how to HEAL from Betrayal Trauma—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/healing-betrayal-trauma-video

To learn more about HOW to overcome porn and sex addiction, check out this article—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/overcome-porn-sex-addiction