Ep 116: Coercion, Control & the Dark Side of Coaching With SJ Chiovitti

In this powerful episode of Shadow Work, WTF?, Caitlin sits down with SJ Chiovitti to unpack one of the most uncomfortable yet crucial conversations in the coaching industry: coercive control. With the recent introduction of coercive control laws in Australia, this conversation explores how these dynamics extend far beyond intimate relationships into coaching spaces, creating environments where clients slowly lose their autonomy and self-trust. SJ brings her background in psychology, behavioural finance, and trauma counselling to break down how seemingly supportive mentorship can become psychological captivity—and what we can all do differently.

This episode is for you if:

• You've ever felt like you couldn't disagree with or question your coach without consequences
• You're a coach wondering if you're unconsciously creating codependent dynamics with clients
• You've noticed yourself adopting your mentor's language, style, or opinions without conscious choice
• You want to understand the difference between ethical influence and manipulation in coaching

What we'll cover:

• How coercive control manifests in coaching spaces through subtle emotional manipulation and power imbalances
• The predictable progression from admiration to psychological dependence in mentoring relationships
• Why spiritual and personal development language can be weaponised to avoid accountability
• Practical steps for coaches to create genuinely empowering, sovereignty-supporting containers

Key Points and Timestamps:

01:42:00 - Defining Coercive Control

SJ breaks down what coercive control actually means and how it removes true consent through psychological pressure disguised as care.

09:42:00 - The Progression into High Control

How coaching relationships start with admiration and gradually shift into psychological captivity through pedestalling and power imbalances.

22:50:00 - Creating Ethical Coaching Spaces

Practical guidance for coaches on how to maintain client sovereignty, ask before offering insight, and make repair normal rather than rare.

43:15:00 - Building Capacity to Speak Truth

SJ shares her journey of developing the nervous system capacity to call out harmful patterns while modelling better alternatives.

1:04:04:00 - Red Flags and Next Steps

Clear warning signs to watch for and actionable steps for both coaches and clients to create or find healthier dynamics.

Resources Mentioned:

Follow SJ Chiovitti: @sj.chiovitti

Shadow Alchemy Certification: shadowalchemycoaching.com

Shadow Alchemy Coaching Academy: @shadowalchemycoachingacademy

Connect with Us:

This conversation challenges some deeply embedded norms in the coaching industry. Share your thoughts with us @shadowalchemycoachingacademy⁠.If you're ready to learn how to create genuinely ethical coaching containers that support client sovereignty rather than dependence, Shadow Alchemy Certification teaches shadow work through embodied practice and ethical frameworks. Our next immersion is coming up, and we're committed to raising the standard of safety in this industry. Learn more at shadowalchemycoaching.com.