147: The Most Important Parenting Reframe Parents Need to Know About

Watch my video → How to End Your Child's Meltdowns in 8 Weeks or Less

When your child acts out, the instinct is to shut the behavior down. That instinct needs to be ignored.

I'm a clinical psychologist, parenting coach, and mom of three sensitive, emotionally intense kids. After a decade in this work, I still get humbled by the same reframe I teach every parent I coach.

Dr. Ross Greene said it best: “Kids do well when they can”. Not when they want to. Not when it's convenient. Not when they decide to stop being difficult.

In this episode, I'm sharing a moment that happened at my own dinner table this week with my nine-year-old. On the surface, it looked like attitude, grumpiness, and too much screen time. The real story underneath was about shame, feeling misunderstood, and a small misread by his dad that snowballed fast.

If I had punished the behavior in that moment, I would have shut it down. I also would have left him feeling more alone, more disconnected, and more likely to explode the next time.

If you're stuck in the meltdown cycle, this mindset shift has to come first.

You’ll learn:

[0:00] Introduction

[2:11] The dinner table moment that almost got completely misread

[4:43] Asking what's really going on instead of shutting the behavior down

[5:10] Mad and sad mixed together: what the behavior was actually saying

[7:33] Why punishing the behavior would have made everything worse

[9:13] The humbling reminder that kids do well when they can, full stop

Resources mentioned:

The Explosive Child by Dr. Ross Greene | Book

Find more from Dr. Hilary:

Raised Resilient | Website | Instagram | Facebook Group

Raised Resilient Chaos to Connection Program | Website