Inside the Cathedral of 80s Childhood: Toys “R” Us

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This week on Free Nights and Weekends, we step back inside the cathedral of 80s childhood: Toys “R” Us. If you grew up in that era, this wasn’t just a store — it was the place where your pulse spiked, your hopes soared, and your parents quietly questioned every decision that led them into that building. Those sliding glass doors opened like the gates of Oz, releasing that unmistakable cocktail of plastic, rubber, cardboard, and unspoken financial dread.

And yes, the South Oklahoma City Toys “R” Us was built at the ass end of the Valleybrook strip clubs. It was the 80s — there was a working oil well in the field next to it. Don’t worry about any of that. We’re taking the full aisle-by-aisle pilgrimage: the action figures whose legs were held on by sacrificial rubber bands, the towering bike wall, the blue-shirted teenager with The Keys, and the mystical video-game slip system that somehow felt safer than airport security. We revisit the RC aisle chaos, the eternal Saturday traffic jam, and the infamous toy-grab sweepstakes every kid mentally rehearsed.

That backward “R” wrecked native Russian speakers, because in Cyrillic that letter literally means “ya.” So for Russian kids? “Toys Я Us” read as “Toys I Us.” Which makes no sense unless Geoffrey the Giraffe was trying to send a deeply existential message. But they boycotted the ‘84 Olympics anyway, so whatever.

We also look at the surprising comeback of Toys “R” Us — why the world is trying to resurrect it, and what that says about nostalgia, retail, and the parts of childhood we’re all quietly trying to get back.

If this place was your childhood escape, this episode is basically a return service — zero guilt, all joy, no line at checkout.

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Original music provided by a few of the gentlemen of Supernal Endgame