Owning Your Authority: How Senior Women in STEM Can Break Through Social Conditioning and Lead with Confidence - 022

In this powerful solo episode of the Lunch with Leaders podcast, host Adaeze Iloeje-Udeogalanya⁠, a TEDx speaker, leadership strategist, and founder of African Women in STEM, delivers a deeply personal reflection on one of the most overlooked barriers to career advancement for senior women in STEM and corporate leadership: social conditioning.

Adaeze uses this solo episode as a one-on-one conversation with her audience, creating an intimate space to explore a topic that many women recognize but rarely name.

The episode opens with a scenario that will feel painfully familiar to many listeners. You are in the room, the room you worked over a decade to earn a seat in. Someone asks for your recommendation. You know the answer. But instead of stating it with clarity and conviction, you hesitate.

You second-guess yourself. You mumble something vague, and the moment passes. Then someone else speaks up, the room nods in agreement, and everyone moves on. Everyone except you, because you know you just lost another opportunity to demonstrate your value.

Adaeze traces this pattern back to its roots: social conditioning. From childhood, women are taught to be likable, to smile more, to not be too certain, and to never make anyone uncomfortable.

These lessons are reinforced in school, at home, and especially in corporate environments where women, particularly women of color and African women in STEM, are often the only ones who look like them in the room.

Over time, these survival strategies become deeply ingrained habits. They show up as over-explaining, apologizing before stating an opinion, polling the room for consensus before sharing a recommendation, and softening language to avoid appearing too assertive.

Memorable Quotes

"What got you into the room and helped you survive is now the very thing that is stopping you from getting to your next level. And no one is going to flag it for you, except me." — [06:52]

"Every time you hold back, you're undermining your own authority to make others more comfortable and it's costing you." — [09:39]

"This week, in your next meeting, say the thing. State the recommendation. And like I said earlier, pause. Don't explain. Don't scan people's faces for approval." — [09:52]

"You're not unprepared, you're not unqualified, that's not it. But you've been conditioned for years to pause, to question, and ultimately to say nothing." — [01:50]

"Say the thing. That's it. Say it. Own it. Don't overthink it. Don't hold back. Don't apologize for it." — [08:32]

"At this level, the rules are different. Social conditioning in executive spaces is not quite correct." — [03:35]

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⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Watch Adaeze Iloeje-Udeogalanya's ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠TEDX Talk⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ on YouTube⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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