Lou Beckett: Why Mothers Carry So Much of the Mental Load and How to Change It

During August, the Motherkind team and I try to practise what we preach by slowing down, taking some time off and making the juggle just a little easier over the summer holidays.

So, throughout the month, we're bringing you some of our most listened-to episodes of the year so far.

If you’re the person who remembers the PE kits, books the appointments, sorts the childcare, knows when the suncream needs reapplying and automatically assumes you’re looking after the children unless you’ve specifically arranged otherwise — this episode is for you.

This week’s episode is with author Lou Beckett for a brilliantly honest conversation about being the default parent and the invisible mental, emotional and physical load so many mothers carry.

Lou describes default parenting as something bigger than the mental load. It’s not only thinking about everything that needs to happen; it’s doing it, managing it and carrying the underlying assumption that ultimately, you are responsible. And often, couples don't consciously choose these roles at all. They simply fall into them after having children and never stop to renegotiate them.

We talk about what that does to your identity, your relationship and your time — including Lou's experience of stepping away from her career while her husband's career accelerated, and the gradual feeling that she had lost sight of who she was outside motherhood.

Lou also shares what has actually helped them change the dynamic at home: having honest conversations about responsibility, creating space for both parents' needs and recognising that wanting time for yourself doesn't make you selfish. We also talk about the enormous standards mothers place on themselves, comparison, mum guilt and why sometimes “good enough” really is enough.

This is a funny, validating and incredibly relatable conversation for any mother who has ever thought: Why does everything seem to fall to me?

💡 What You’ll Learn in This Episode

• How to recognise if you’re the default parent

• Why the mental load so often falls to mothers

• How to start sharing responsibility more equally

• Why motherhood can leave you feeling like you’ve lost yourself

• How to let go of guilt and make space for yourself again

Watch this episode on YouTube and subscribe.

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This Motherkind episode is sponsored by:

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Key Topics

Default parent • Mental load • Invisible labour • Overwhelmed mothers • Mum guilt • Parental burnout • Sharing the load • Motherhood identity • Relationships after children • Maternal mental load • Asking for help • Self-care for mothers • Working motherhood • Losing yourself in motherhood • Parenting roles