Honeydew Me

245. What’s Actually Happening When Sex Is Painful? (with a Pelvic Health PT)

2025-12-10

Painful sex is common, but it’s not normal and it’s definitely not something you just have to live with. In this episode, we’re joined by Kristen Damery, a pelvic health physical therapist and the founder of Lava lube, to break down what’s actually happening in the body when sex hurts. We talk about muscles, nerves, lubrication, stress, and why so many people are dismissed or misunderstood when they bring this up to doctors. We Cover: Why painful sex is so often misunderst...

Painful sex is common, but it’s not normal and it’s definitely not something you just have to live with. In this episode, we’re joined by Kristen Damery, a pelvic health physical therapist and the founder of Lava lube, to break down what’s actually happening in the body when sex hurts. We talk about muscles, nerves, lubrication, stress, and why so many people are dismissed or misunderstood when they bring this up to doctors.

We Cover:

Why painful sex is so often misunderstood. Kristen explains why pain during sex is frequently minimized, misdiagnosed, or written off as “normal.”
What’s actually happening in the pelvic floor. How tension, weakness, and coordination issues can all contribute to pain.
The role of the nervous system in sexual pain. Why stress, anxiety, and anticipation can cause the body to brace before penetration even happens.
Different types of pain and what they can mean. Burning, stabbing, pressure, dryness, or deep pain and why the type of pain matters.
Why lubrication alone isn’t always the solution. How dryness, friction, tissue health, and muscle response all interact.
How pelvic PT helps retrain the body. What pelvic health physical therapy actually looks like and how it supports healing, comfort, and confidence.
Why pain during sex is not a personal failure. How shame and self-blame make symptoms worse and why pain is a body signal, not a flaw.
When to seek support and what to ask for. How to advocate for yourself and find providers who actually understand pelvic pain.
Tools to support comfort and pleasure. Kristen shares practical tips for reducing pain, improving lubrication, and making sex feel safer and more enjoyable.