That was close focus focus focus

This is just an update touching of the base if you will just to let you know that I'm not going to give up on me or you but mostly me LOL this is serious and I I had a couple roadblocks I wanted to apologize if I was a stuttering fool in the intro I had just understood so much overwhelming shit that I didn't realize existed I never thought of it in my life so I thought however it has been destroying my entire existence for 30 years and when you know something it's different and I promise you I'm not sure that we are even close to understanding the depth of addiction and mental illness certain combinations whether it be combinations of the drugs in particular you're self-medicating with or perhaps you happen to have this disorder in that disorder and you're taking this prescribed and that not prescribed and you have just created a Bonafide lunatic so this is me trying to be accountable has no one cared or seem too and I felt sorry for myself no one wants to hear me so I was going to say the hell with it and then someone sent me something you're not funny and his where are most of you guys are going to say..... NOPE..... I have oh boy this is embarrassing I swear to you I'm not crazy and I can't explain this either and maybe we'll figure it together but it's the best way I can make you understand somehow I'm not seeing an angel or God somehow I was able to access something in my subconscious while I was sleeping and when I woke it was as if I had been downloaded some information that filled in massive unknown imagined problems that I have been not even dealing with because they weren't there my mom died when I was young I didn't it's just assumed that's what screwed me up but that's not even close