The Jefferson Fisher Podcast

How to Handle Defensiveness

2026-08-18

Defensiveness can shut down a conversation before you ever get close to resolving anything. But sometimes it’s not just what you’re saying—it’s how you’re approaching the conversation. In this episode, I’m giving you three simple ways to lower someone’s defenses without avoiding the hard conversation. We’ll talk about why words like “always” and “never” immediately put people on guard, how to use “when you, I feel” instead, why finding something you can agree on changes the tone, and how turning commands into “we” question...