237 The Art & Practice of Shedding Mono-Normativity

We live in a culture where monogamy isn't just presented as one way to have relationships—it's positioned as the only natural, healthy, and moral way to relate. This assumption runs so deep that most of us never even question it. But what happens when we start examining these unspoken rules that shape our relationships?

Mono-normativity affects all of us, whether we're monogamous or not. Bringing these unconscious assumptions into the light can create more authentic, intentional relationships. Because here's the truth: you can't truly consent to something you don't know you're choosing.

In this episode, we talk about:

— The difference between monogamy and mono-normativity

— Why most couples never explicitly define what monogamy means to them—and the problems this creates

— How to "individuate" your monogamous relationship by making conscious choices rather than following default scripts

— The way exclusivity gets overcoupled with safety, specialness, and relationship validity

— Practical ways to decenter monogamy without devaluing it

— How auditing your language can help create more inclusive spaces for all relationship styles

— Why making monogamy a conscious choice can actually strengthen your relationship

— The importance of distinguishing between attraction, fantasy, and action in any relationship

— How creative practices like making playlists, writing, and storytelling can help us imagine relating beyond mono-normative frameworks

— The value of creating your own "monogamy statement" with your partner as a connective, clarifying exercise

— Why questioning mono-normativity doesn't mean you have to change your relationship structure—it just means you get to choose it consciously

Resources mentioned in this episode:

— Alex Alberto's memoir Entwined and their short film

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Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions