Samantha: Reunion, Loss, and Self-Acceptance

Samantha (Sam) Shields was born in San Francisco in 1970 and adopted from foster care as an infant. She grew up in nearby Napa knowing she was adopted, and provided many of the same platitudes as a lot of other adopted people: She wanted you to have a better life. She did what was best for you because she loved you. But Sam was certain something was wrong with her. Why else had she been placed for adoption? Failure to bond with her adoptive mom and her adoptive dad's death when she was seven meant that Sam often fantasized about meeting her original mom. After a years-long search, Sam finally located her original mom in 1997 at the age of twenty-seven and was reunited with her until her mother's death in 2020. The relationship was both challenging and rewarding. Both she and her original mom carried the shame of what happened, making self-acceptance hard. Studies back this up: many adoption reunions break down within the first few years after making contact, and after eight years nearly half of those in an adoption reunion have abandoned the relationship altogether. Ultimately, what allowed Sam to find acceptance in herself was by facing her father, the man who had sexually violated her mother. Sam is currently at work on a memoir about her experience of reuniting with her original mother.

Season 12 Book: The Adoption Paradox by Jean Kelly Widner

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Kristal Parke Because She Is Adopted

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