When you live with CPTSD, the urge to control often has nothing to do with power and everything to do with perceived threat. In this episode, I explore how controlling patterns emerge from Protective Parts that learned vigilance when something essential was once truly at risk: safety, attachment, stability, or dignity. Control became a strategy for survival when support and trust were not available. Over time, however, control can create instability in relationships. What begins as an attempt to prevent pain can unintentionally...
When you live with CPTSD, the urge to control often has nothing to do with power and everything to do with perceived threat.
In this episode, I explore how controlling patterns emerge from Protective Parts that learned vigilance when something essential was once truly at risk: safety, attachment, stability, or dignity. Control became a strategy for survival when support and trust were not available.
Over time, however, control can create instability in relationships. What begins as an attempt to prevent pain can unintentionally make others feel unsafe, reinforcing the very isolation and threat the system is trying to avoid.
I share how CPTSD shapes these protective responses, why responsibility and hyper-vigilance become intertwined, and how you can begin to locate more trust both internally and externally.
Do I Have CPTSD? Assessment
A free, educational assessment to help you determine whether CPTSD is a meaningful framework for understanding your symptoms, patterns, and experiences.
https://cptsdmedicine.com/assessment
I Choose Me: Creating the Capacity for my Two-Year "Had CPTSD" Plan
My brand new free, five-week readiness experience for survivors who want to heal but do not yet have the identity, capacity, or internal permission to begin a structured CPTSD Resolution journey. This is the first step for anyone who feels the desire to heal but cannot yet step into a long-term plan.
DM me on IG @cptsdmedicine or email me tanner@cpstsdmedicine.com
CPTSD Resolution 101 Workshop
A premium workshop for survivors who are ready to heal but do not yet know what to do or how to structure their two-year healing plan. You will leave with a clear, personalized map for your CPTSD Resolution Era.
cptsdmedicine.com/weekendworkshop
Happily Ever After
A high-touch, six-month coaching container for survivors ready to begin their Resolution Era with structure, partnership, and the full CPTSD Medicine Healing Protocol. This is for those who know they are ready for guided transformation and consistent support.
https://cptsdmedicine.com/services
HELP WITH HEALING CPTSD
Can't stop fighting in your relationship?
→ Follow the Fight Smarter Field Guide — a self-guided learning experience to understand your conflict patterns and practice responses that lead to repair, not regret. https://cptsdmedicine.com/the-fight-smarter-field-guide
In a relationship, but wondering if you should leave?
→ Begin the Red Flag Learning Path to recognize trauma-driven patterns and rebuild your inner compass toward love that doesn't hurt.
https://cptsdmedicine.com/red-flag-checklist
Just been broken up with and need answers to feel sane again?
→ Explore the "Why Is This Happening to Me?" Study for clarity, validation, and grounded relief after heartbreak.
https://cptsdmedicine.com/why-is-this-happening
Thinking your career is hurting your love life?
→ Start the Overachiever's Audit Study — a 10-minute self-reflection to see where achievement has become protection and how it may be blocking intimacy.
https://cptsdmedicine.com/overachievers-audit
About Dr. Tanner Wallace
Dr. Tanner Wallace is a childhood trauma survivor, former university professor, and Level 3 Internal Family Systems Practitioner who specializes in CPTSD Resolution. She founded CPTSD Medicine to offer applied mental health training for high-achieving adults who want a clear, structured path to heal trauma at the root and stop repeating painful relationship patterns.
About the Heal First Then Pick Your Life Partner Podcast
Heal First Then Pick Your Life Partner is a podcast for look-good-on-paper adults with unresolved CPTSD, anxious attachment, or repeated relationship pain. If you look confident on the outside but feel overwhelmed, confused, or ashamed by the patterns you cannot break, this podcast teaches you why.
Each episode breaks down how trauma shapes your emotions, triggers, and relationship choices, and offers practical, research-informed steps to heal at the root. Learn how to stop trauma-driven reactions, understand emotional flashbacks, build secure attachment, create healthier relationships, and finally feel safe inside your own system.
Hosted by Dr. Tanner Wallace, PhD and Level 3 Internal Family Systems practitioner, this podcast provides applied mental health training for adults who want clarity, stability, and a structured path to CPTSD Resolution.
If you want to heal deeply, choose partners wisely, and build a life that feels secure and aligned, you are in the right place.
