Bonus Episode: Polite Isn’t the Same as Safe - How Social Conditioning Overrides Intuition

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In today’s short bonus episode, we explore a message many of us were taught early and often: be polite, keep the peace, don’t make things uncomfortable.
But what happens when politeness comes at the cost of safety?

From a psychological and nervous-system perspective, politeness is a learned survival strategy. For many women, children, and people raised in emotionally unpredictable environments, being agreeable once helped maintain connection or reduce harm. It worked - until it didn’t.

Your nervous system, however, has always been paying attention. Long before you had language for boundaries, your body learned how to scan for safety through tone of voice, facial expressions, proximity, and unpredictability. When something feels off, the body knows first.

Drawing on Polyvagal Theory, the work of Gavin de Becker, and insights from Harriet Lerner, this episode explores how intuition isn’t mystical - it’s pattern recognition - and why overriding it can lead to chronic anxiety, people-pleasing, hypervigilance, and emotional exhaustion.

We also break down why a longer exhale matters from a physiological standpoint - how slow breathing directly supports vagal regulation, signals safety to the brainstem, and helps the body settle before the mind can follow.

This episode is an invitation to gently ask: Where in my life have I stayed polite when my body was asking for distance?

You don’t owe comfort at the expense of safety.
A boundary doesn’t require justification.
And intuition doesn’t need proof to be valid.

Your intuition was never designed to make you likable.
It was designed to protect you.

🍋 Connect & Continue the Conversation

• The Lemon Tree Coaching Podcast on Instagram 

📚 Resources Mentioned

• The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker
• The Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner
• Polyvagal Theory — Dr. Stephen Porges
• Gentle nervous system regulation practices: slow breathing, extended exhales, humming, sighing

Disclaimer:
This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical, psychological, or therapeutic advice. Listening to this episode does not establish a therapist–client relationship. If you are experiencing distress, trauma-related symptoms, or feel unsafe, please consider seeking support from a qualified mental health professional or local support services. Always trust your judgment and prioritize your safety.