#153 - Understanding Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) with Dr. Taylor Day

2025-12-16

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This episode is back by popular demand—and for good reason. One of the most requested and talked-about conversations on The Autism Little Learners Podcast, this replay dives into Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) with licensed psychologist Dr. Taylor Day. In this episode, we explore PDA as a profile within autism, with a strong focus on nervous system differences, autonomy, and the fight-or-flight response. Dr. Tay shares why traditional behavior-based approaches often miss the mark for children with PDA and offers compassionate, practical insights for parents and educators who want to support children in ways that truly work. If you're navigating intense demand avoidance, burnout, or power struggles—or supporting a child who needs a more fle...

In this episode, we explore PDA as a profile within autism, with a strong focus on nervous system differences, autonomy, and the fight-or-flight response. Dr. Tay shares why traditional behavior-based approaches often miss the mark for children with PDA and offers compassionate, practical insights for parents and educators who want to support children in ways that truly work.

If you're navigating intense demand avoidance, burnout, or power struggles—or supporting a child who needs a more flexible, relationship-based approach—this conversation is a must-listen (or re-listen).

🎥 Watch on YouTube: https://youtu.be/htWAXEnkyzE?si=s9tYLCnIbdt4LDOy

📖 Read the blog here: https://autismlittlelearners.com/pathological-demand-avoidance/

Links:

Dr. Tay's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/the.dr.tay/

Dr. Tay's Website: https://drtaylorday.com

Evolve Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/evolve-with-dr-tay-the-podcast-for-parents-of-autistic-kids/id1659784037

Takeaways

PDA is not a formal diagnosis, but a commonly discussed profile within autism that centers on nervous system differences.
A child's behavior often reflects a stress response, not intentional defiance.
For children with PDA, autonomy is a need, not a preference.
Traditional compliance-based parenting and teaching approaches often escalate challenges rather than reduce them.
Understanding fight, flight, freeze, and fawn responses helps adults respond with compassion instead of control.
Reducing demands can be supportive when paired with strong relationships and thoughtful boundaries.
Collaboration between parents, educators, and providers leads to more consistent and effective support.
Seeing the human behind the behavior shifts how we problem-solve and connect.
Teaching autonomy, flexibility, and regulation skills supports long-term well-being.
Offering meaningful choices can increase engagement and reduce stress.
Prioritizing mastery and understanding over repetition helps children feel safe and successful.
Parents are experts on their children and their insights matter.
Educational systems work best when they adapt to children—not the other way around.
Connection, trust, and felt safety are foundational for learning and growth.