The Saint (1997): Val Kilmer’s Costume Party

2025-09-25

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In this episode, the Reel DMC crew tackles The Saint (1997), a movie that was supposed to make Val Kilmer the next James Bond but instead makes him look like a man who just discovered wigs on clearance. Directed by Philip Noyce, the film leans hard on Kilmer’s "master of disguises" schtick—though by disguises we mean "Val Kilmer in a mustache so ridiculous it could double as a prop in a high school play." And yet, the movie plays it straight. No wink, no irony, just Kilmer in leather pants sketching poetry like a bud...

In this episode, the Reel DMC crew tackles The Saint (1997), a movie that was supposed to make Val Kilmer the next James Bond but instead makes him look like a man who just discovered wigs on clearance. Directed by Philip Noyce, the film leans hard on Kilmer’s "master of disguises" schtick—though by disguises we mean "Val Kilmer in a mustache so ridiculous it could double as a prop in a high school play." And yet, the movie plays it straight. No wink, no irony, just Kilmer in leather pants sketching poetry like a budget Fabio.

Elizabeth Shue, meanwhile, plays a nuclear physicist whose research could change the world—but instead she changes into a lovestruck teenager after twelve hours with a guy who literally says, "Sorry, I had to steal your life’s work, I’m a thief." Romantic! It’s Stockholm Syndrome: The Motion Picture.

The film is tonally confused and uneven, with action sequences that lack suspense, a cold fusion plot that's laughably rushed, and villains who feel like they've been airlifted from a Saturday morning cartoon.

Occasionally fun and often ridiculous, The Saint is not Bond, not Bourne, and not even Mission: Impossible. It’s closer to Community Theater: International Spy Edition.

And remember, if someone offers to take you to their home in Africa after two minutes of conversation—no matter how tight the leather pants—just say no.

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