This episode begins a two-part reflection on my most important lessons from 2025. I am sharing these lessons not as theory, but as lived experience. What worked. What hurt. What required courage. And what fundamentally changed how I lead, relate, and take responsibility. If you want 2026 to be your best year yet, this episode will help you learn from my path rather than repeat my mistakes. In Part 1, I cover four core lessons: 1. Deciding Who and What You Are...
This episode begins a two-part reflection on my most important lessons from 2025.
I am sharing these lessons not as theory, but as lived experience. What worked. What hurt. What required courage. And what fundamentally changed how I lead, relate, and take responsibility.
If you want 2026 to be your best year yet, this episode will help you learn from my path rather than repeat my mistakes.
In Part 1, I cover four core lessons:
1. Deciding Who and What You Are Responsible For
I share why I closed my free community, and what that taught me about responsibility, containment, and sustainability. I also talk about how responsibility looks different with children, with partners, and in leadership, and why scaffolding matters more than sacrifice. This lesson directly led to the creation of I Choose Me.
2. Completion Changes Outcomes
I reflect on a serious car crash involving Stevin and why fully dealing with what happens, instead of minimizing it, changes everything. We got support. We slowed down. We right-sized the situation. We prioritized completion rather than endurance. That choice created real space for healing and resolution instead of lingering stress.
3. You Cannot Control the Past, But You Can Release the Shame So It Stops Running Your Life
Releasing shame around younger parts of ourselves is often easier. What is far harder is releasing shame around adult versions of ourselves who acted from trauma energies. I talk about what it means to live in a trauma ecosystem where history cannot be erased, and how painful it is to be treated as unsafe or harmful after you have done the work. You cannot control how others see you. You can only know your truth and let that be enough.
4. Trust Is Earned. Until Then, Protect Yourself.
I break down how I now think about trust, contracts, agreements, reciprocity, and risk.
This includes starting slow, avoiding fantasy investments, minimizing exposure to financial and reputational risk, and making sure everyone has equal skin in the game. Trust builds over time, not promises.
This episode is for anyone who wants to lead with clarity, reduce regret, and enter the next year with stronger boundaries, cleaner responsibility, and less shame.
Part 2 continues the reflection with additional lessons that shaped how I am moving into 2026.
Do I Have CPTSD? Assessment
A free, educational assessment to help you determine whether CPTSD is a meaningful framework for understanding your symptoms, patterns, and experiences.
https://cptsdmedicine.com/assessment
I Choose Me: Creating the Capacity for my Two-Year "Had CPTSD" Plan
My brand new free, five-week readiness experience for survivors who want to heal but do not yet have the identity, capacity, or internal permission to begin a structured CPTSD Resolution journey. This is the first step for anyone who feels the desire to heal but cannot yet step into a long-term plan.
DM me on IG @cptsdmedicine or email me tanner@cpstsdmedicine.com
CPTSD Resolution 101 Workshop
A premium workshop for survivors who are ready to heal but do not yet know what to do or how to structure their two-year healing plan. You will leave with a clear, personalized map for your CPTSD Resolution Era.
cptsdmedicine.com/weekendworkshop
Happily Ever After
A high-touch, six-month coaching container for survivors ready to begin their Resolution Era with structure, partnership, and the full CPTSD Medicine Healing Protocol. This is for those who know they are ready for guided transformation and consistent support.
https://cptsdmedicine.com/services
HELP WITH HEALING CPTSD
Can't stop fighting in your relationship?
→ Follow the Fight Smarter Field Guide — a self-guided learning experience to understand your conflict patterns and practice responses that lead to repair, not regret. https://cptsdmedicine.com/the-fight-smarter-field-guide
In a relationship, but wondering if you should leave?
→ Begin the Red Flag Learning Path to recognize trauma-driven patterns and rebuild your inner compass toward love that doesn't hurt.
https://cptsdmedicine.com/red-flag-checklist
Just been broken up with and need answers to feel sane again?
→ Explore the "Why Is This Happening to Me?" Study for clarity, validation, and grounded relief after heartbreak.
https://cptsdmedicine.com/why-is-this-happening
Thinking your career is hurting your love life?
→ Start the Overachiever's Audit Study — a 10-minute self-reflection to see where achievement has become protection and how it may be blocking intimacy.
https://cptsdmedicine.com/overachievers-audit
About Dr. Tanner Wallace
Dr. Tanner Wallace is a childhood trauma survivor, former university professor, and Level 3 Internal Family Systems Practitioner who specializes in CPTSD Resolution. She founded CPTSD Medicine to offer applied mental health training for high-achieving adults who want a clear, structured path to heal trauma at the root and stop repeating painful relationship patterns.
About the Heal First Then Pick Your Life Partner Podcast
Heal First Then Pick Your Life Partner is a podcast for look-good-on-paper adults with unresolved CPTSD, anxious attachment, or repeated relationship pain. If you look confident on the outside but feel overwhelmed, confused, or ashamed by the patterns you cannot break, this podcast teaches you why.
Each episode breaks down how trauma shapes your emotions, triggers, and relationship choices, and offers practical, research-informed steps to heal at the root. Learn how to stop trauma-driven reactions, understand emotional flashbacks, build secure attachment, create healthier relationships, and finally feel safe inside your own system.
Hosted by Dr. Tanner Wallace, PhD and Level 3 Internal Family Systems practitioner, this podcast provides applied mental health training for adults who want clarity, stability, and a structured path to CPTSD Resolution.
If you want to heal deeply, choose partners wisely, and build a life that feels secure and aligned, you are in the right place.
