416: How do you deal with your trust issues? (ft. Violet Lange)

Who doesn't have trust issues? Let's be real.

Whether it shows up as "I don't trust her to handle my anger," or "I'm afraid I'll just be treated like an ATM" or, "I can't relax until I know the person really, really well," — almost all of carry some version of trust concerns into our dating and relationships.

Here, my dear friend and co-facilitator Violet Lange and I do something we don't often get to: We put our worlds side by side. I work primarily with men who are attracted to women; she works primarily with women who are attractd to men.

Here we map out the top 3 trust issues we see in our clients -- in other words, how trust issues show up differently across men and women that are attracted to the opposite sex. And, encouragingly, we outline how the path to healing them is remarkably similar.

We also get practical about the 3 things required to actually rebuild trust — and none of them is blind trust. As Violet puts it, the goal isn't to trust everyone; it's to trust trustable people, and to feel good about staying closed when you need to.

If you want the relationship but dread the dating part; if you're tired of being on dating apps; if you keep wondering "why do I keep ending up here?" — this one's for you. Trust can be repaired. People come, they grow, they flourish.

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Work with us

Ready to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I will help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

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Mentioned on this episode:

• The Love Field: Hot Love Summer — Violet's and my new 3-month program (constellations, embodiment, polarity, and the brave conversations we were never taught to have,). Starts June 18th; early bird ends Monday, June 8th. Enroll at www.violetlange.com/thelovefield
• Documentary: The Mask You Live In — on how our culture socializes boys and men; this is a great way to open dialogue if you have a young man in your life
• DM 114: Bullying, resilience, and relationships — on reclaiming a healthy relationship to the masculine after being bullied as a kid, teen, or adult

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Memorable quotes from this episode:

• "I'm so sick of being on the apps."
• "I feel like I can't have sex with someone until I know them really, really, really well."
• "We feel unsafe to be in our bodies."
• "Wow, that was really healing to experience something different."
• "The concern is: In my most vulnerable moments, I will be left."
• "Women fear, 'I won't be chosen.'"
• "I've been loyal to myself throughout."
• "I'm not afraid to start over."
• "A lot of it is about recognizing the patterns that we've inherited."
• "Now I feel a little more relaxed in my body, so that I can be open to men that are safe for me."
• "I want the relationships but I don't really want to go through the dating part."