You Don’t Have What It Takes

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A podcast listener named Christopher sent me a voice message and asked a very critical question about how we, as God-fearing men, actually gain the ability to live out a vision of fathering our homes, eldering our cities, and preparing for rulership in the Kingdom to come.

“On this path of biblical eldership and male community leadership—in our homes and in our communities, with our families and those around us—where does the power come from to carry that out? I’m wondering if you could talk more about the Holy Spirit and inviting the Spirit into your life.”

I love this! Christopher is asking the question that exposes whether Elder My City is actually biblical or just another self-improvement program with Scripture verses attached.

Where does the power come from to live out this vision for men?

Unfortunately, most Christian men approach leadership the same way we’ve been taught to approach sin: through self-management. Try harder. Get educated. Find accountability. Develop a strategy. Build better habits.

I don’t know about you, but I’ve found that it doesn’t work. I tried it for decades.

When I read about the elder qualifications in 1 Timothy 3 as someone who is temperate, self-controlled, respectable, able to teach, able to manage his household well, etc. I know it’s easy to treat them like a checklist of Boy Scout merit badges, but I don’t think these qualifications are merely accomplishments. They’re describing fruit. And fruit isn’t manufactured. It’s produced.

I Spent One Full Year Focused on Galatians 5

There was a season of my life where I took this very seriously.

For an entire year, I read Galatians 5 every morning before my feet touched the floor. Before I got out of bed. Before I went to the bathroom. Before I did anything. I wanted to embed this into my belief system. I intellectually agreed with the passage, but if my belief in it was low. Maybe at a two or a three. I wanted to believe it at an eight or a nine and experience the transformation I knew would come with it.

Consider what Paul says:

“But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.” (Galatians 5:16-18)

Paul then lists the works of the flesh—sexual immorality, fits of rage, rivalries, envy, all of it—and says those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. Let that sink in. We can talk about the Kingdom, but if we miss this thing, we miss it.

The way I read the passage is that the issue isn’t the specific sins. Like, “Don’t do these things.” Rather, it seems to me that the issue is that you’re not being led by the Spirit.

From there, Paul leads into the fruit of the Spirit.

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such things there is no law.” (Galatians 5:22-23)

We lose something in English here: “fruit” is singular, not plural. We don’t divide this up like, “Okay, I’ve got love, joy, and peace down, but I really need to work on patience.” That’s not how it works. You have the singular fruit—the love-joy-peace-patience-kindness-goodness-faithfulness-gentleness-self-control fruit. It’s all one package. You get the whole thing when you’re living by the power of the Holy Spirit.

This list as well as the character that qualifies a man for eldership are not something you manufacture through effort. It’s something the Spirit produces through dependence. Which means the path from father to elder to ruler isn’t primarily about trying harder to reduce sin and increase righteousness. It’s about deepening dependence on the Holy Spirit.

My Risky Prayer

So this became my prayer every morning:

“Lord, teach me how to walk by your Spirit and not gratify the desires of my flesh. Teach me how to hear your Spirit’s voice. I don’t want to try harder to force more peace into my life. I want it to be the byproduct of having the Spirit active and alive and leading.”

I’ll tell you—if you pray that prayer and ask Him to teach you, be ready for what comes next.

Here’s what happened.

I Failed My First Test

I was walking through an airport terminal, on my way to catch a flight to speak at an event. And I look down ahead of me. I see some saltine crackers crushed up and ground into the carpet. And I had this little voice in my head. Not audible, but this strong feeling: “Clean those up.”

What? No. I’ve got to get to my gate. I’m that guy who likes to arrive right when boarding starts. I don’t want to sit at the gate forever and then sit on the plane for even longer.

I’m staring at these crushed crackers as I walk toward them, and it’s getting stronger. “Stop and clean up the crackers.”

No, that’s weird. Not my job. Someone else will do it.

I walk past them. It gets stronger. “Turn around and go back and clean those up.”

At this point I’m kind of yelling inside my head: “No, I’m going to just go get on the plane. This is weird.”

I didn’t do it. Got on the plane, flew away. The voice goes away.

Then I asked: “Okay, was that you?”

Immediately: “Yes.”

“Why did I need to clean up the crackers?”

I have no way of verifying this, but here’s what came to mind: “There’s someone back there who is now going to lose their job due to no fault of their own because you didn’t clean up those crackers. And they really needed that job.”

Okay. Give me another chance.

The Second Test Was a Struggle

A few weeks later. I’m walking into a store in a strip mall area. As I’m walking in, that feeling comes back: “Stop and pull those weeds you see outside that store.”

What? Come on. When I think about the Spirit, I think about the magical fireworks from Bible stories. Not pulling weeds.

“No, I don’t want to. That’s weird. I just want to buy my thing and leave.”

I walk past the weeds, go into the store, do my thing. The whole time I’m wrestling. I passed up the crackers. Now you want me to pull weeds? Why does this Holy Spirit stuff start with cleaning?

I walk out of the store. Walk past the weeds. Still having this little argument in my head.

Then I stop. “Okay, I’ll obey.”

I turn around, go to the weeds, pull them, clean up the little area, throw them in the trash. I’m looking over my shoulder the whole time thinking people are going to think this is so weird. Security cameras. What’s that guy doing?

I get in my car. Slam the door a little extra hard because I’m a little irritated and I say out loud: “There, are you happy?”

I’m embarrassed to tell you this, but that’s the truth.

I hear: “Yes. Was that so hard?”

“No, but it’s weird. I thought this would be different.”

“This is how you learn to hear my voice. You start by obeying in the little things.”

This is exactly the pattern of Luke 19. The servants were faithful with little and later the Master entrusted them with cities to rule. God was teaching me to recognize His voice in the small things so I’d know what it sounds like in the big things.

I’m Learning to Hear His Voice and Obey

Fast forward several years. I’m still practicing. I don’t have a great batting average, but I’m getting better at listening and obeying. I know what His voice sounds like now, even when what He asks is uncomfortable.

I’m doing a YouTube channel consultation with a very popular creator—hundreds of millions of views a month, making millions of dollars. She gets on a call with me because her channel is starting to decline.

I look at her channel. I can find a few things to pick at, but nothing that explains the decline she’s experiencing. I go through those things.

Then in the middle of the call, I get that feeling. That thing comes back. And it says: “Tim, I want you to repeat after me.”

My first reaction is, “Oh no. This is going to make me look bad… Okay. Not my will, but yours. Let’s go.”

So I repeated it as it came to my head. I had no idea what I was about to say.

“I’ve never said anything like this before in a consultation. But here’s what I think is going on with your channel. As a Christian, I believe that the Bible says in Job that ‘the Lord gives and the Lord takes away, blessed be the name of the Lord.’ And I think maybe the Lord gave you this channel for a certain season of your life. But now that season is over. It’s behind you. And that’s why the channel is declining.”

I stopped. I had no reason to think she had any faith background. She just kind of stared for a second, then kept talking like I hadn’t said anything.

That was so weird. So uncomfortable. So awkward.

The next morning, I wake up to an email from her.

“Tim, I’m writing this with tears in my eyes. I’ve been crying all evening and this morning. There’s no way you could have known this.”

She told me her husband now is not her first husband. Her first husband passed away on their honeymoon. It was the most difficult time of her life. She started exploring faith. She had a Bible, and she had underlined that exact passage—”the Lord gives and the Lord takes away, blessed be the name of the Lord.”

She said she’d totally forgotten about that. She’d wandered from her faith, hadn’t really practiced or thought about it.

Then, sometime after that, she started having medical issues. She wasn’t making much money and didn’t know how she’d pay for the medical bills. So she started a YouTube channel, and it grew quickly. She started making money and paying for her treatments. A friend told her, “Maybe the Lord gave you this channel for this season of your life so you can pay for these medical bills.”

She wrote: “When you quoted that verse and said ‘for this season of your life,’ all of that came flooding back. You’re right. The medical bills are behind me. That season is over. And I need to pursue my faith again.”

I read that email and thought: I’m so glad that worked out. Because I have plenty of stories where it just ended awkwardly. But this is what happens when you learn to hear His voice in the little things—you recognize it in the moments that actually matter.

What This Has to Do With Eldership

Here’s what’s interesting. When Jesus talks about leaving to return to the Father, He says this:

“Nevertheless, I tell you the truth: it is to your advantage that I go away, for if I do not go away, the Helper will not come to you. But if I go, I will send him to you… When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all the truth...” - John 16:7, 13

Jesus didn’t say, “I’m leaving, and in my place I’m giving you a textbook to memorize so you can pass the final exam on judgment day.” He didn’t give us a list of rules.

He said the Spirit of truth would come and guide us into all truth. Paul says to walk by the Spirit and keep in step with the Spirit.

He gave us a relationship. He gave us a Person. He gave us Himself, not just a book.

And like any relationship, it takes time to build trust. You start with the little things. Crackers in an airport. Weeds at a strip mall. And it builds to the bigger things, like the words you speak in a consultation that bring a woman to tears, the decisions you make in your family, the wisdom you offer to younger men who are wrestling with the same things you’ve walked through.

This is how we develop the character to manage resources and responsibilities and relationships. We learn to steward these things for the King based on His help, His partnership, literally being guided by Him, learning to depend on Him in every way, keeping in step with Him.

Where the Power Comes From

So, Christopher, back to your question: Where does the power come from to carry out this vision of biblical fatherhood and eldership?

* “Walk by the Spirit.” (Galatians 5:16)

* “Be led by the Spirit. (Galatians 5:18)

* “Live by the Spirit.” (Galatians 5:25)

* “Keep in step with the Spirit.” (Galatians 5:25)

It starts with that feeling of “this is weird, this is uncomfortable,” and it grows from there into confidence—knowing that when it’s uncomfortable, that’s often how you know it’s Him. When it’s weird, that’s how you know it’s Him.

Galatians 5:24 says those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. That’s not a passive thing. Crucifying the flesh is active and ongoing. But we don’t do it through white-knuckling. We don’t do it by trying harder. We do it by living through the power of the Spirit.

A man who feels fully capable of leading his home in his own strength will fail at inheriting the Kingdom. A man who knows he can’t, who fathers his children and leads his wife and serves his community in constant, desperate dependence on the Holy Spirit, that’s the man who’s actually being prepared for greater responsibility. The practice of ruling with His Spirit now is preparation for ruling with Him in the Kingdom to come.

Father your home by the Spirit. Elder your city by the Spirit.

That’s the only way any of this works.

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