Ask Rachel anythingWhen our kids go through their first experience of love and attraction it can bring up a lot of feelings we thought we'd neatly packed away; the intensity of that first crush, the humiliation of not being chosen, the heartbreak that felt like it would swallow us whole. As a parent trying to support our kids through it can be tricky because our teens’ first love stories can collide with our own unfinished ones.In this episode of Teenagers Untangled, I’m joined by professor Lisa Phil...
Ask Rachel anything
When our kids go through their first experience of love and attraction it can bring up a lot of feelings we thought we'd neatly packed away; the intensity of that first crush, the humiliation of not being chosen, the heartbreak that felt like it would swallow us whole.
As a parent trying to support our kids through it can be tricky because our teens’ first love stories can collide with our own unfinished ones.
In this episode of Teenagers Untangled, I’m joined by professor Lisa Phillips, author of First Love: Guiding Teens Through Relationships and Heartbreak. We explore the complex world of teen behavior surrounding first love and heartbreak. Understanding how our teens express their feelings and the challenges they face can really help us to communicate with them.
We talk about:
- Why parents often feel a spike in distress when their teen starts dating
- How crushes, “situationships” and breakups affect the developing teenage brain
- The difference between healthy intensity and unhealthy enmeshment
- How to support both boys and girls in talking about their feelings, not just their “results”
- What it means to parent in a world of social media, online porn, nonchalance and loneliness
- How to show up for LGBTQ+ and questioning teens when their identities don’t fit the “straight story”
- Why consent can’t be a tick‑box talk, and how to navigate the grey areas with our kids
- What healthy support after a breakup actually looks and sounds like
If your child is anywhere on the spectrum from secret crush to serious relationship, this conversation will help you understand what’s happening beneath the surface. My hope is that it gives you language, courage and compassion to walk alongside them, rather than dismissing it as “just drama” or trying to shut it all down.
Because for our teens, first love isn’t practice. It’s real, it’s formative, and it leaves a lasting imprint. How we respond now can teach them not only how to survive their first heartbreak, but how to love and be loved for the rest of their lives.
Previous interview with my own daughter, Phoebe:
https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/144-first-love-breakups-lgbtq-how-to-support-our-kids-through-the-turmoil/
Contact Lisa Phillips:
lisaamyphillips@gmail.com
Lisa A. Phillips, author of the new book, First Love: Guiding Teens through Relationships and Heartbreak, has written about relationships, mental health, and teens for the New York Times, the Washington Post, Longreads, Psychology Today, Cosmopolitan, Salon, and other outlets. She teaches journalism and the popular “Love and Heartbreak” seminar at the State University of New York at New Paltz.
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