This morning did not go according to “plan”. I had an episode written.Structured. Layered. Ready to land. And I didn’t want to do it. Literally said to myself, “fuck that”!I woke up with resistance. Didn’t want to adult. Didn’t want to be disciplined. Didn’t want to execute the outline. So instead of forcing it, I said that out loud. And we pulled cards.The Mediocre Black Woman is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber....
This morning did not go according to “plan”. I had an episode written.Structured. Layered. Ready to land. And I didn’t want to do it. Literally said to myself, “fuck that”!
I woke up with resistance. Didn’t want to adult. Didn’t want to be disciplined. Didn’t want to execute the outline. So instead of forcing it, I said that out loud. And we pulled cards.
The Mediocre Black Woman is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
Day 13 in tarot is Death — shedding. Shedding old reactions. Shedding urgency. Shedding ego noise. Shedding the need to control perception.
What I didn’t realize until we were mid-live was this: The thing I was meant to shed was my agenda.
One of the cards literally said: “I release my own agenda.”
And that’s when it clicked. Releasing my agenda didn’t just mean surrendering control in life. It meant surrendering the plan for the episode. Because if I’m teaching spirit versus ego…Then forcing the structure would have been my ego.
Ego would have said: Stick to the outline. Be polished. Be consistent. Don’t derail the arc.
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But my Spirit said: You’re tired. You want to play. You don’t want to perform. And I listened.
We pulled:“I’m the motherfucking prize.”“I am my own home and I say who is welcome here.”Eight of Wands — momentum.King of Swords — cut the crap.Page of Pentacles — stop being your own enemy.Death again — release what’s over.
And at the very end, when I pulled one more card for the road? “I tend to the needs of my inner child.” I laughed. Because that was the whole lesson.
This resistance wasn’t sabotage. It wasn’t laziness. It wasn’t regression. It was my inner child saying: What about me? What about play? What about freedom? What about doing something just because I want to?
Play is not a detour from purpose. Fun is not a distraction from alignment.
Being seen today meant being seen un-curated. Being seen resistant. Being seen playful. Being seen real.
But whether you watched live or you’re reading this now, here’s the visibility practice: Notice where you are gripping the plan so tightly that you can’t hear spirit.
Release the agenda. Let one thing be led by joy today.
Pulled by spirit. Dragged through the lessons. Still divine.
xoxo,
Empress Theadora
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