Ep 201: Why Letting Go Of Control Gives You More Influence As A Parent

What if the fastest way to more cooperation at home is to stop chasing control? We sit down with Katherine Sellery, founder of Conscious Parenting Revolution, to explore why power moves and punishments so often backfire—and how connection-first strategies create durable trust and real influence. Katherine unpacks the “three Rs” that control tactics trigger—retaliation, rebellion, resistance—and shows how to interrupt that spiral with co-regulation, perspective-taking, and a reliable ritual of rupture and repair.

We dig into the everyday moments that test our calm: public meltdowns with an audience, teens clamming up, and the sting of believing we must be doing something wrong. Katherine and Lindsay show how to re-frame behavior as information, assume goodwill, and place the relationship at the center so problem-solving can begin. You’ll hear vivid stories, practical scripts, and a clarifying distinction between “belonger” kids who protect connection and “autonomous” kids who protect their inner compass. Both needs matter; both can be nurtured without rewards and punishments.

Expect actionable guidance you can use tonight: how to “get bigger than what’s bugging you,” what to say when a child fears your reaction, and why asking “What was your perspective?” can unlock stalemates. We also highlight supportive resources like Katherine’s Family Lifeline community, gaming webinars, and her book “Seven Strategies to Keep Your Relationship with Your Kids from Hitting the Boiling Point.” If you’re ready to trade obedience goals for belonging and mutual respect, this conversation offers plenty of ideas—and the encouragement to keep practicing.

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For more on Katherine's work visit her website.

Lindsay Miller is a distinguished kids mindfulness coach, mindfulness educator and host of The Stress Nanny Podcast. She is known for her suitcase tricks and playful laugh. When she's not cheering on her daughter or rollerblading on local trails with her husband, you can find her using her 20+ years of child development study and mindfulness certification to dream up new ways to get kids excited about deep breathing. Having been featured on numerous podcasts, platforms and publications, Lindsay’s words of wisdom are high impact and leave a lasting impression wherever she goes.

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