87. Helpful Support (Independence) vs Harmful Support (Dependence). Mentioning Jon Haidt, Kim Scott,

Helpful Support = 1. Increased Trajectory + 2. Increase Resilience Harmful Support = 1. No Improvement In Trajectory + 2. Lowered Resilience Support in Different Contexts - Workplace: Managers should focus on developing employees' skills and independence - Parenting: The goal is to raise independent adults, not perpetually dependent children - Friendships: There's a delicate balance between being supportive and becoming a "coach" - Addiction and mental health: Support should aim for long-term recovery and resilience, not enabling destructive behaviors Jon Haidt's Three Great Untruths: - "What doesn't kill you makes you weaker" => What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. - "always trust your feelings" => Feelings should be examined, sometimes immediate responses are counter productive and one should 'think slow, not think fast'. - "life is a battle between good people and evil people" => The world is not zero sum, most things are 'win-win'. Defining Effective Support - Support done well leads to independence and growth, not dependence - The goal is to "teach someone to fish" rather than continuously "giving them fish" - Good support maximizes the trajectory of someone's improvement over time - Effective support may involve allowing someone to struggle or fail in order to learn and grow Challenges in Providing Support - It can be difficult to let someone struggle or fail, especially in personal relationships - There's a balance between intervening and allowing natural consequences - The recipient's mindset (growth vs. fixed) impacts the effectiveness of support - Clear communication about the intention and reasoning behind support is crucial Reframing Support - Support should be viewed as increasing resilience and ability to handle future challenges - It's about being on the same "team" and working together for mutual growth and success - Good support acknowledges feelings without necessarily endorsing them - Support should aim for win-win outcomes rather than reinforcing a zero-sum mentality