261. I need to earn love

This week’s episode begins with a chance to look at one of those moments where we believe, “I shouldn’t have done that.” You know the one. It lies dormant and then pops into your mind as you’re trying to fall asleep and causes The Cringe. It shows up at the most inopportune times, saying, “Remember when you said/did that thing to that person all those years ago? Yeah, you shouldn’t have done that.” And in the questioning of that thought, what arises is a deeper belief in needing to earn love. Is it possible that when we cringe at our past selves (who were doing the best they could with what they had) it’s because we believe that those past actions disqualify us for an experience of love now? And is it really true that we need to earn love at all? Or are we using that story of being undeserving to stay justified in keeping a strong sense of identification and separation?