235 I Think I’m Polyamorous, But I’m in a Monogamous Marriage

Discovering your polyamorous identity while in a long-term monogamous relationship can feel both liberating and terrifying. It's a moment of personal truth that can shake the foundations of your partnership—and that's exactly why it deserves careful, thoughtful consideration.

When you realize something fundamental about yourself has shifted (or perhaps was always there but unnamed), it's natural to want to share this with your partner. But how do you navigate this conversation without causing unnecessary harm or rushing into territory neither of you is prepared for?

In this episode, we talk about:

— Why rushing into action after this realization can lead to unnecessary pain and relationship damage

— The importance of understanding what your current monogamy actually looks like before trying to change it

— How to create space for both excitement about new possibilities and grief about what might be changing

— The value of slowing down and sitting in the "liminal space" between paradigms

— Why the person bringing polyamory into the relationship needs to be mindful of their partner's need for processing time

— The difference between polyamorous identity and polyamorous behavior (you can be polyamorous without having multiple partners!)

— How to approach the conversation with care, acknowledging that it may feel like betrayal to your partner

— The importance of making explicit what has been implicit in your relationship

— Why both partners need support during this transition, regardless of who initiated the conversation

Resources mentioned in this episode:

— Our guide for having difficult conversations with your partner

— Our episode on grief and relationship changes

— Entwined by Alex Alberto

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Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions