E261: Outcome vs. Journey- The Control Freak’s Guide to Sobriety

Send us a text

Ever feel like you're doing everything "right" in recovery but still find yourself pissed off when things don't go your way? Steve opens up about his biggest struggle even after 15+ years sober: the control freak mindset that gets shit done but also sets him up for resentment, anxiety, and dangerous thinking patterns.

In this episode, we dig into the difference between being outcome-focused (expecting specific results because you did the work) versus journey-focused (trusting the process without demanding a particular ending). Steve shares raw moments from his week—including a family reunion where "normal people" went straight to the bar while he dealt with buried resentment—and how he's learning to recognize when his need for control is actually putting his sobriety at risk.

We talk about:

• Why alcoholics make great control freaks (and why that's both a strength and a problem)
• The dangerous cascade that starts with disappointment and ends with "maybe I should just drink"
• How expecting certain outcomes because you "earned them" leads to resentment
• Why being a caretaker amplifies these expectations
• The skills that keep you from that relapse that starts three weeks before it actually happens

Whether you're brand new to sobriety or decades in, if you've ever thought "I did everything right, so why do I still feel this way?"—this episode is for you.

Support the show

📫 Get more honest conversations about sobriety delivered to your inbox! Subscribe to The Sober Friends Dispatch, our weekly newsletter where we go beyond the podcast to share real strategies for alcohol-free living. Join our community by clicking here.