You know it was abuse. But written down, each moment sounds small. This is the episode about proving it. Part 5 of our six-part coercive control series with clinical psychologist Krasi Kirova. Mum and I work through your questions on affidavits, evidence, police reports and what the family court is actually looking for. LISTEN IF YOU... - Have kept notes for a year and worry they sound petty - Have been told by a lawyer that coercive control does not matter - Reported to police and were dismissed because there was no...
You know it was abuse. But written down, each moment sounds small. This is the episode about proving it.
Part 5 of our six-part coercive control series with clinical psychologist Krasi Kirova. Mum and I work through your questions on affidavits, evidence, police reports and what the family court is actually looking for.
LISTEN IF YOU...
- Have kept notes for a year and worry they sound petty
- Have been told by a lawyer that coercive control does not matter
- Reported to police and were dismissed because there was no stalking or tracking
- Are writing an affidavit and do not know what to include
- Are still being controlled through emails, handovers and admin after final orders
- Are terrified of going back to court
This is general information, not legal or psychological advice. It reflects Australian family law and may not apply to your situation. Always get independent advice.
This episode discusses coercive control, family violence, financial abuse and sexual betrayal. If you are in danger call 000. Support: 1800 RESPECT 1800 737 732.
00:00 - Explaining Coercive Control When No One Believes You
01:00 - Series Recap and Meet Clinical Psychologist Krasi Kirova
02:30 - Legal Disclaimer and Family Violence Trigger Warning
03:50 - Stacy: How Do I Make My Notes Matter in Court?
06:00 - Why Each Incident Sounds Petty: The Puzzle Piece Problem
07:00 - Death by a Thousand Cuts: Proving Cumulative Harm
09:30 - When the Judge Spots the Pattern Themselves
10:30 - What Courts Look For: Coercive Control and the Property Pool
14:00 - Your Affidavit Is the Proof, So You Have to Say It
14:20 - Anonymous: Should Infidelity Go in My Affidavit?
18:00 - DARVO Explained: Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender
19:00 - Win: Can I Use Voice Memos and Home Security Footage?
21:40 - Legal Gatekeeping: When Your Lawyer Says It Does Not Matter
26:00 - How to Change Lawyers Mid-Case Without the Confrontation
28:00 - Katina: The Police Dismissed My Coercive Control Report
30:00 - The Empower You App and Finding a Station That Listens
33:20 - Roberta: Protection Orders When He Explains Everything Away
35:00 - Why Criminal, DV and Family Courts Do Not Talk to Each Other
37:00 - Samantha: Post-Separation Control After Final Orders
41:40 - Grey Rock, Escalation and When to Get a Risk Assessment
43:30 - Coercive Control Versus Ordinary Co-Parenting Conflict
46:30 - Admin Burden as Control: Fix It in Your Parenting Orders
50:00 - Jenna: When His Lawyer Becomes the Mouthpiece
54:00 - Lee: Fear of Court and a Teenager Who Will Not Visit
58:00 - Court Fear Is the Last Hook They Have Left
01:00:00 - Gina: What Evidence Is Actually Enough?
01:02:00 - Thresholds: Therapist Versus Police Versus Family Court
01:04:00 - The Marathon Analogy: Kicked, Then Blamed for Slowing Down
01:06:00 - Never Stop Documenting Until the Behaviour Stops
01:12:00 - The Magistrate Who Knew What Coercive Control Was
01:14:30 - Krasi's Conference Talk and Next Week: Healing
EPISODES MENTIONED
DARVO in the Family Court - https://youtu.be/pRMOfozwBKs?si=-YgsXkz8ybMB_lkr
Documenting Coercive Control - https://youtu.be/SIyXCGXH5nw?si=SY_8UNT5puZ7Uj_F
Reporting to Police, Step by Step - https://youtu.be/s7vH5a9y7cA?si=sm1ReJaVxsvqKlNS
1800 RESPECT - 1800 737 732 (24/7 DV support)
Lifeline - 13 11 14
Police - 000 (immediate danger)
The Divorce Course - www.thedivorcecourse.com.au
The Divorce Course Podcast - www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/blog
Empower You app - free documentation app run by NSW Police
Krasi Kirova - clinical psychologist and board-approved supervisor
Share your experience anonymously for Krasi's conference talk: [LINK]
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