#5 Coming out & anxiety

In episode 5, Chris recounts his coming out experience. He knew from a young age he was different. With his anxiety heightened during his teenage years, he lived in constant fear of being outed. The first person he came out to was himself, followed by friends and family and a majority of this in the last year. He was a little late to this pivotal moment in most queer people’s life but his mum said he needs to be happy first and everything will come after.

"The anxiety was every day. I would spend so much time looking at what I was going to wear because I didn't want anything to attract attention. I wouldn’t dress to please myself, I would dress to make sure nobody notices me."

"I would put so much thought into what I would say, the way I would act with my hands, what they were doing, my legs, all day thinking what am I doing, how I’m talking to my parents, how I’m talking to my friends – it’s exhausting."

"It helped me be a ‘better gay’ – at 29 you think you have it figured out, knowing that my parents know now I feel like I am even more myself than I was before."

My Mind & I is produced in Amsterdam by Liam Moore. The theme song is Waves by Pictures of the Floating World.

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