Dear Men: How to Rock Sex, Dating, and Relationships With Women
Health & Fitness:Sexuality
If you want a thriving, connected sex life with your partner, but feel like something's in the way ... it could be sexual trauma.
The fact is, 1 in 3 girls and 1 in 6 boys are survivors of child sexual abuse. To put that in perspective, that's 42 million women and 21 million men in the US alone.
The bad news? We don't talk about this nearly enough, so it can feel overwhelming and scary to address. The good news? It is addressable, and no matter who you are or what happened, you can have a beautiful, connected, and deeply fulfilling sex life. It just takes some work to get there.
Here we talk about how you, as a man who has sex with women, can identify the signs that a partner may have a sexual trauma background
If you've ever been with a partner who seems to check out during sex (disassociates), tends to avoid sex altogether, or has certain triggers (like certain lighting or movements on your part that cause her to tense up), it could be this.
We also talk about how to bring it up and talk about it in a way that feels safe and welcoming. It's a sensitive topic and it takes a lot of trust for a woman to tell you this is part of their history (and vice versa — it takes a lot of trust for you, as a man, to let her know if you're a survivor). Knowing more about how to respond well and help to lead and guide the conversation will only help you expand and embody the healthy masculine.
A vital truth is that if your wife or girlfriend is a survivor of sexual trauma (child sexual abuse, rape, sexual assault), it affects your sex life — meaning it impacts both of you. We also discuss how you can support your woman and also address your own sexual needs (without coming off as ignorant or insensitive).
Because when it comes down to it, we all want to love one another as best we can. And sex is a big part of that.
Books referenced in this episode:
• Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma by Peter Levine & Ann Frederick
• In an Unspoken Voice: How the Body Releases Trauma and Restores Goodness by Peter Levine & Gabor Mate
Ready to go beyond the podcast?We love working with men who are ready to do the work!
If you're committed to breaking old patterns and transforming your sex & love life in a real and lasting way, take action here.
(https://evolutionary.men/apply/)
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310: How do I initiate sex without coming off as demanding? (ft. me)
309: How do you know when it's time to get a divorce? (ft. Jason Lange)
308: Are you staying together for the kids? There may be another way to go. (ft. Jason Lange)
307: What's the difference between feminine storm and feminine rage? (ft. Shana James)
306: Boner shame! Let's talk about it. (ft. Jason Lange)
305: GuyTalk: Overcoming religious programming
304: What happens if you or your partner needs space? (ft. Jason Lange)
303: 'Boys have as rich an inner life as girls do.' (ft. Nat Damon of Reach Academy for Young Men))
302: 'I ask for stories about the sex that changed you.' (ft. Carly, creator of Aurore)
301: What's the difference between therapy and coaching? (ft. Jason Lange)
300: What's it like to do MDMA therapy with your wife? (ft. Lucas)
299: Matchmaking: Is it still relevant? (ft. Anika Rashaun)
298: Becoming skillful at sexual communication -- let's talk about it. (ft. Kristen Carney of Ask Women)
297: The problems with polarity (ft. Jason Lange)
296: What does it actually mean to step into your power? (ft. Jason Lange)
295: Ever 'fallen into' a relationship? (ft. Jason Lange) [replay]
294: How do I rebuild trust with a partner? (ft. me!)
293: Give it to me whining! (Ft. Jason & Violet Lange)
292: Sex life with your wife not where you want it to be? This could be the culprit (ft. Violet & Jason Lange) [replay]
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