Why we don’t want sex

Most relationships aren’t starved for sex—they’re starved for attunement. In this kickoff, we unpack why “I don’t want sex” often means “I don’t feel safely, slowly, specifically known.” The episode opens with a real call from a friend questioning divorce, then moves through safety rituals, curiosity as foreplay, and “mother-grade noticing” you can practice tonight. “I’m not into sex” often means: I don’t feel safe, seen, or specifically known. We address why we need to connect first and why it’s not asking for a lot. Want to know me! Don’t ask me to open my body before you open my mind.

What you’ll learn

Why “I don’t want sex” often means “I don’t feel safely, slowly, specifically known.”

Performance vs presence: date-night checkboxes vs reading the body.

Consent as architecture (negotiate → check-ins → aftercare).

“Mother spidey senses” for everyone: notice need before words.

Self-knowledge first: the Gesture Glossary + a 60-sec self-scan.

Try one of these tonightOne slow kiss (no goal)

• One real question you don’t know the answer to

• One sensory upgrade (light/music/scent)

• Ask: “What helped your body breathe?”

Pull quotes

“We’re not asking for more performance. We’re asking for attunement.”

“Safety didn’t kill the thrill—it made the risk taste like freedom.”

“Curiosity is foreplay.”

“Know your tells to read theirs.”

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