013: Christopher’s Story: So That’s Why People Do This

In this episode, John and Jason talk to Christopher, who found relief from crippling fear and anxiety in a can of Fosters he stole from his dad’s fridge when he was 14. Partying in High School and college kept going until he realized he should maybe stop about 10 years later. Then he kept going for another decade or so before he finally gave up. We talk about how hard it was for all of us to stand up at our first meeting and admit that we have a problem, and how great it felt when we finally did. Chris also shares about the powerful process of making amends and how doing service helps him. We also talk about the mysterious power of meetings and how this organization that “should never be organized” has thrived for over 90 years, even though it’s run democratically by recovering alcoholics.

Key Topics & Themes Discussed:

Early Life & Pervasive Fear: Chris discusses the origins of a "pervasive sense of fear" that defined his childhood, growing up in a home with constantly fracturing family dynamics, and feeling "psychotic and different" from everyone else.

The Illusion of Control: How achieving professional success (even as a functional alcoholic) fueled the denial and prolonged his active addiction for 13 years, creating a life where he was always trying to outrun his own brain.

The Ultimate Bottom: The series of events—including his fiancée having her bags packed, a health crisis with his father, and being fired from a bartending job—that finally broke through his self-protection.

The Miracle of the Group: The emotional flood of relief and surrender when he finally spoke in a packed meeting, describing the "thunderous" power he felt when the group greeted him.

Surrendering to Service: The non-negotiable importance of immediate action and service work (GSR, District Chair) to stay out of his own head, and the constant battle with his alcoholic brain to keep moving forward.

Facing the Past: The terrifying yet ultimately miraculous freedom of making amends, which included confronting a boss he had stolen from and a friend he had physically harmed.

Memorable Quotes:

“I just kept thinking the further away from my own brain that I got, the better of a person I could be.”

“I smashed up cars, I smashed up friends, I lost girlfriends, I did things, but I always found a way in my warp brain to blame somebody else.”

“If you lose a job as a bartender because you drink too much, you know, you're pretty much unemployable.”

“So we went to that meeting and I was so scared to walk in because I knew no matter what if I went in there, my life could change.”

“And when I stood up and said, my name's Chris, I'm an alcoholic. And a room full of 60 people said, ‘Chris!’ I felt something greater than myself hit me.”

“Boy, has life changed for the better in a way I never could have possibly imagined.”

For more details on recovery resources, please visit RTFB.com

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