Stinker Madness - The Podcast for Bad Movie Lovers
TV & Film:Film Reviews
Michelle Bauer stalks around LA in slinky outfits on a quest....for blood! Words, don't fail me now.
One of the highlights of "The Tomb" is its nostalgic charm. The film exudes the distinct '80s vibe, complete with cheesy practical effects, low-budget sets, and a synthesizer-heavy soundtrack with corny beats and crummy lyrics that is very Fred Olen Ray.
The "plot" follows a group of "amateur gynocologists" who venture into an ancient tomb in search of hidden treasures. There, they unlock the tomb of "Nefratis" (played by the always great Michelle Bauer), an ancient mummy vampire who needs blood to stay looking like Michelle Bauer...so, hot. She is kind of thwarted by Dave (Richard Hench) and John Banning (David O'Hara) but really only because she kidnaps Dave's newfound girlfriend, Helen (Suzy Stokey). We're still not sure why she needed to kidnap her for a ritual because she doesn't need to perform rituals to stay hot, she just needs blood. Maybe pretty lady blood will make her even more hot? But come on, lady. You're Michelle Bauer. Save some good looking for the rest of us, greedy guts.
Fred Olen Ray demonstrates his passion for practical effects, and it shows in some of the creative and gory scenes. The film's modest budget may be apparent in places, but the dedication to practical effects adds a certain charm that modern CGI-laden horror films often lack.
However, "The Tomb" is not without its flaws. The pacing can be a bit uneven, with some scenes dragging on while others rush past crucial moments. Additionally, the character development is rather weak, leaving the audience with little attachment to the protagonists, making it challenging to feel invested in their fates.
"The Tomb" is, at times, a fun visit to '80s horror cinema, brimming with nostalgic elements that will please genre enthusiasts and Fred Olen Ray cultists (myself being one of them). However, despite some of his best efforts (the opening credit sequence and his efforts on the practical effects), there's just not enough meat here in the middle of the film. Yes, he manages to keep a little momentum by sprinkling in some knockers during those exposition heavy sections but he could have and has done better with many, many, many of his other films.
Highlander: The Final Dimension - The Nonsense Returns
Year 9 in Review
The Rage - Good thing anti-American militias have such terrible plans
Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama - Not as slimey as lead to believed
Rollerball - Could be the worst movie of all time
Roadhouse (2024) - Dalton should've packed more shirts
Riding the Bus with my Sister - Wait, isn't this just a Hallmark movie?
Tiptoes - Nobody puts Oldman in the sofa, baby
Blown Away - Bombs, sure, but not they way they wanted
Ishtar - Ishnotsobad?
Lisa Frankenstein - It's pronounced LEE-SAW!
Night Teeth - Ugh, valley girl vampires are so passe.
Action USA - All Action, All the Time
New York Ninja - Powdered Egg Vengeance
Annabelle - I am NecraZul, Lord Demon of the LA Rams and Tea Parties
Highlander II - Immortal Space Laser Conspiracy Theory
Double Trouble - It takes two, baby
Detective Knight: Redemption - Go how you wanna go, Bruce
The Christmas Consultant - Don’t Hassel Your Christmas Man
Elf-Man - Better than socks, I guess
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