Half Past Dead is the last feature film with Steven Seagal as the main star to earn a theatrical release. If one were to track what came after, that would come as no surprise.
In his thankfully short-lived action cinema prime, Seagal was serviceable. Light on charm, looks, and acting acumen, his unique brand of punishment was entertaining enough. But, as the years and the pounds piled on, the sheen wore off. Dramatically.
Half Past Dead is a window into the next two decades of Seagal mumbling and sleep walking his way through increasingly terrible movies. There is little effort and most of the fighting is done by his plethora of stunt doubles.
This would all be sad to watch if we weren't privy to what a tremendous asshole he is. There are very few movie stars who deserved to fall as flat on their face as he did. Even the 3% Half Past Dead scored on Rotten Tomatoes is probably too generous.
Now, sit back, dull your senses with an Arctic Panzer Wolf from 3 Floyd's Brewing, and get those doo rags on! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Bling Blake, and Capt. Cash are half past caring about this mess of a movie!
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Speed Racer – Go, Speed, Go!
Alita: Battle Angel – Panzer Kunst!
GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra – Send it to the Slaughter House
The Last Airbender – Burn the Footage
Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom – Tangbro and Splash
Madame Web – Ms. Spider-Cleo
Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania – Shrinking Returns
The Flash – A Hop, Skip, and a Tomato Can
Blue Beetle – Batman's a Fascist
Expend4bles – Time to Retire
Killing Gunther – Earthquake Love
Hollywood Homicide – Stella!
The Great Christmas Movie Debate – Die Hard vs Lethal Weapon
Just Friends – Simply Hopsy
Palm Springs – Life on Repeat
So I Married an Axe Murderer – Head, Pod Now!
Summer Catch – Strike’s Out Looking
Werewolves Within – Guess Wholf?
Renfield – Wiccan Tumblr for the Win
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